Doctor Rock
by docrock06
Summary: Set two months after Ray left to go to L.A with his Band, what made him come back to the E.R? With all the trouble arising, some secrets from the past will be revealed
1. Starting Back

Title: Doc Rock

Rating: T

Summery: Set two months after Ray left to go to L.A with his Band, what made him come back to the E.R?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to E.R and don't I know it, cos if I did things would have went very differently by now.

**CHAPTER ONE: STARTING BACK**

Ray Barnett stands in the Ambulance bay of Cook County General and wonders to himself what exactly is he doing there, he could have been in L.A with his band, but no, he remember all too clearly why he came back and he knows that he is just trying to make excuses to not have to go in and face all of the questions on why he came back, because he didn't think that he would have the courage to tell them.

Ray began to slowly make his way forward when and when he got to the admit desk before he could even say a word the next thing he knew he was being grabbed into the biggest bear hug he had ever been by none other than Jerry

'It's great to see you back man, what are you doing here!' said a very enthusiastic Jerry, hadn't gotten to say goodbye and was now making up for it by squeezing all of the air out of Ray's lungs.

Jerry let go and was now looking at Ray, obviously waiting for an answer, but Ray had been off in a daze, remember exactly why he had came back,

'Oh, right…well I…well the band didn't think that it was going anywhere so we decided to pack it up' Ray ran a hand through his hair and hoped that his lie hadn't been too badly done.

'Oh, well I'm glad your back man, hey Frank look who it is'

Ray could feel the back of his neck reddening by the second when Frank came over,

'Well kid its nice to see you back, so staying long this time or will we want to run off and join a circus next?

'Gee Frank I think they said that they only had one spot open and that was for you', Ray grinned and watched as Frank walked off mumbling something about a yank under his breath.

Ray turned to walk off when all of a sudden he felt someone or something throw their arms around him, and when he pulled back he saw that it was a very pregnant Abby

'Hey Ray, what are you doing here?'

'Well I'

'He doesn't want to be a rock star anymore'

'Thanks Jerry, well yeah what he said'

'Well hey its good to have you back, you are staying aren't you, wait don't answer that I'll go find Neela and we'll take a break and you can tell us all about it'

'Sure' Ray said to the air because Abby was already waddling off in search to find Neela, and speaking of Neela, he hoped that she hadn't sold his room yet, cos he wasn't in the mood to stay with Bret after what had happened in L.A.

Ray was waiting in the ambulance bay when he saw Neela walking towards him and he gave her a small smile, which she returned, before hugging him.

'It's nice to have you back'

'I know it's actually nice to be back' Neela gave a confused look at his comment so he quickly changed the subject

'So where is Abby?'

'Oh shes getting her coat, and Luka'

Abby and Luka came out the doors of the E.R

'Hey, nice to have you back, so we going to Ikes'

'Yeah come on'

When they arrived at Ikes all of the Doctors took their seats and ordered drinks of coke because three of them where still on duty

_Twenty minutes later_

'O.K, so Pratt and Morris are gone, Dubanko left already and that new guy is already here and you two are engaged, wow, a lot happened in only tow months' Ray took another sip of his drink.

'Yeah well you've been pretty quiet on what you were up to; I mean you want to be a doctor, for real this time?'

'Yes, actually two months away and I realise then, a bit late when you don't have a job' Ray let out a humourless laugh

'Well you do know you can have your job back'

'Really! Man thanks when do I start back'

Luka looked at his watch

'Oh I say about 15 minutes, we have to get going'

'Well you don't beat around the bush do you' Abby gave Luka a slap on the arm

'And before you ask Ray, you still have your room' Neela gave Ray a small Smile.

Ray couldn't help but think in his head how things where looking up, and he didn't know exactly how wrong he was.

So there you go chapter one. Hope you liked it and please R+R.


	2. Getting Bad

Title: Doctor Rock

Rating: T

Summery: Set two months after Ray left to go to L.A with his Band, what made him come back to the E.R?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to E.R and don't I know it, cos if I did things would have went very differently by now.

Sorry for taking so long to update, and for the sort chapter, but better that nothing heh:)

**CHAPTER TWO: GETTING BAD**

Ray went to the admit desk to get his stethoscope and I.D which he had left there before he had went to L.A.

'Trauma over here, MVA, doesn't look to bad though' Olivia helped Luka push the gurney to trauma one, while Luka called for Ray to come help,

'Ray you should come help put you back into practice'

Ray jogged until he caught up with the gurney and once he was in the trauma room helped transfer the middle aged man, as Ray could now see, onto the table.

'O.K Ray he's gonna need to be intubated, but the injuries don't look to severe.'

After a quick review Luka got Haleh to phone surgery as their was some bleeding in the mans belly.

'O.K what we got' It was Doctor Benton who was on call, and when he came in he gave a confused glance at Ray, who was now just observing as Haleh had taken over bagging the man.

'Heh kid I'm sorry but your gonna have to wait on your pops outside, we cant have family crowding our work, but don't worry he's in good hands.' Benton took Ray by the shoulders and began to push him out of the room.

'Peter he's not the gentlemans son he's DOCTOR Ray Barnett'

'Oh sorry Kid' Benton gave Ray an angry look as though it were his fault that Benton hadn't seen the I.D.

'Well lets take him up then'

Benton went to the head of the bed and began to push the gurney out leaving a now laughing Luka and a slightly confused Ray standing in trauma 1.

'I have this feeling that we're not gonna get on very well' Ray looked at Luka with a face that said '_And you're thinking the same thing'_

'Don't worry he's not a fan of me either' Luka patted Ray's shoulder as he left to go and get another chart.

Ray followed Luka out when he saw none other than Kerry Weaver walking down the hall.

'Hi Kerry'

'Hi Doctor Barnett' Kerry walked on a few paces before she turned and grabbed both mens hands, receiving a puzzled look from both

Shaking Rays hand Kerry said in disbelief 'YOU are back' and now shaking Lukas at the same time 'And YOU knew?'

'Yes' Both men replied in unison and they also yelped in pain in unison as Kerry smacked their hands together causing their knuckles to crack.

Having let go of their hands Kerry walked behind both men and began to nudge them down the hall to admit where she turned to Frank who was now on his fourth doughnut.

'Did you knew that he was back'

'Oh, do you mean the kid who couldn't getting a music career going, yeah'

Ray glared and Frank and opened his mouth to give a reply before getting a nudge from Luka and a face telling him, _Kerry already wants to kick our asses, lets not give her a metal chain to do it with _.

'And you didn't think that maybe somebody should tell me that I am back up a resident? Well Luka I think that you had been doing very well as chief until THIS little slip up'

'Well I was about to tell you where do you think I was taking him'

'To get a nice collar to go with my leach' Ray received a glare from both Frank and Kerry but only laughter from Luka who then glared at him also, to try and get on Kerrys good side again.

'What?'

'Never mind, well Luka since you brought him back to the E.R you can sort out his job again, well goodnight'

And with that Kerry left. Luka looked at Ray who gave him a smile before saying

'Good thing I didn't bother to take you completely off the pay roll, sorting you out should be easy, but ill do that tomorrow cos I've got Abby waiting for me. Bye'

With that Luka walked down the hall to the lounge to wait on Abby. Ray was about to go and get his coat and head home when he heard a familiar voice call his name, one he hadn't wanted to hear.

Please R+R and I promise that I will update sooner this time, I had lots of coursework to do.


	3. Getting Badder

Title: Doctor Rock

Rating: T

Summery: Set two months after Ray left to go to L.A with his Band, what made him come back to the E.R?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to E.R and don't I know it, cos if I did things would have went very differently by now.

**CHAPTER THREE: GETTING BADDER**

When Ray heard that voice, the one that he didn't want to hear, he began to walk to the lounge

_I won't look back, cos then they won't know I heard them, all I gotta do is get to the…_

In the middle of his mental prep talk Ray didn't notice Luka walking out of the lounge and banged right into him,

'Oh, sorry man I just forgot to…I left' Ray slipped past a confused Luka and walked into the lounge and watched as he left before collapsing onto the sofa with his head in his hands.

'Shit, shit, shit'

'Now Ray don't swear in front of me'

Ray shot his head up to see Morris looking down at him, with a look on his face that you would never get tired of hitting.

'Shut up Morris' and with that comment Ray got up, and began to leave the E.R through the side entrance.

Once he had got outside he began to walk in a sort of light jog until he reached the EL, where he got in and took his seat, wanting to go home now, and as his sat down he slipped into a flashback,

_Start of Flashback_

Ray, Brett and the rest of the band where all playing in The Roxy club. Their set was over and they all went and sat down and ordered drinks as this was their first time playing in L.A and everything had gone great.

'Well, now I don't have to worry about the fact that I quit' Ray laughed, as did the others but he suddenly stopped when he saw someone that he didn't expect to approaching him

_End of Flashback_

Ray was pulled out of his trance when the E.L came to a stop and even though it was one stop before his own Ray needed to get out, walk and clear his head a bit. As soon as Ray stepped off the E.L and walked no more than three paces, rain began to pour down from the sky; Ray stopped walking and looked up

'And just when I forget my coat'

Ray began to walk again, slowly, as if he couldn't feel the cold even though it was making him physically shiver.

_20 minutes later_

A now drowned Ray reached the door to his apartment and as if his day couldn't get any worse he realised that he had left the key to the apartment that Neela had given him in his coat.

'Fuck…. Neela' Ray began to knock the door as now the effects of the 20 minutes of rain had begun to take place.

From inside Ray could hear Neela shout that she was coming so he stopped rapping the door and began to rub his shaking hands together in order to make himself warm, not that it was helping any.

_God I hope she left warm water or I'll go back to the E.L and just kill myself now_

When Neela opened the door she couldn't help but think how miserable Ray looked, with his normally spikey hair sticking up in various places from when he had obviously ran a hand through it and the way even though he was shivering he gave her a small smile.

Neela moved aside to let Ray into the apartment

'Why are you wet anyway?'

'Well I saw this big lake and thought what the hell so I went for a swim'

'Sorry, God you were happy when you came back'

'Yeah well I wasn't wet when I came back'

Ray got up and went to the bathroom to have a warm shower as Neela sat down and began to watch T.V when the phone rang

'I don't get a call for two months and when you come back im not gonna be able to watch anything'

Neela reached over and lifted the receiver to her ear and what she heard or the other end made her mouth fall open.

'I'm sorry he's not available right now but I'll get him to call you back…Mr.Barnett'

Dum Dum Dum, I am the cliff-hanger queen.

I know that was short but they will get longer as I go along.


	4. What?

Title: Doctor Rock

Rating: T

Summery: Set two months after Ray left to go to L.A with his Band, what made him come back to the E.R?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to E.R and don't I know it, cos if I did things would have went very differently by now.

**CHAPTER FOUR: WHAT?**

Neela gently placed the receiver back and sat down on the sofa again. She couldn't believe what she had just heard, and if Ray never talked about his family, or his past for that matter, then why was his father phoning now, well she would just have to get Ray to answer that question.

Ray stepped out of the shower, got dried and put on a pair of sweats, t-shirt and hoody as he was still cold from his walk in the pissing rain. Ray opened the bathroom door and saw Neela sitting on the couch watching him with two cups of hot chocolate in front of her.

'Have a nice shower, I hope that the water didn't run cold' Neela was smiling at Ray in a way that was making him feel uncomfortable.

'And I had this feeling that I might have so I made you this' Neela gestured towards the cup.

'Thanks' Ray sat down beside Neela and lifted the cup in his hands to try and warm them.

'So did you hear the phone ringing Ray?'

'Huh…oh yeah why?' Ray stuttered, because he had been staring into the cup at the ripples of the liquid completely mesmerised by it.

'Oh no reason although it was for you'

''Oh' Ray began to get worried now and wished that maybe he had went to his room but for some reason he couldn't move from the spot on the sofa.

'Don't you want to know who it was?' Neela was enjoying this because thinking back by the tone his father used on the phone he sounded happy so she assumed that Ray would be happy to talk to his father.

'I don't know, do I want to know who phoned cos I don't really want to listen to Bret now, cause you see the thing is we aren't talking, he said I stole this girl on him and I didn't but.'

Ray was cut off by Neelas hand over his mouth, but she quickly took it away and began to laugh.

'No Ray, it was your Dad'

'No it cant have been cause I didn't tell him where I live' Ray wished that he could take back what he said when he saw the look on Neela face, confusion. He hadn't meant to say it, it had just slipped out.

'What? Why wouldn't you tell your Dad where you live?'

Ray set down the cup and began to go to his room when Neela grabbed him by the hand and pulled him back down beside her, not letting go of his hand. Having notice this Neela let go and went red in the cheeks, before remembering why she had grabbed his hand.

'Ray?'

Neela noticed that Ray was staring over at the stack of records that sat of the shelves in their apartment, and after calling his name a few more times but getting no reply she began to wave her hand in front of his face, well that worked.

Ray turned to look at Neela and was about to say something when the door knocked.

'I'll get it'

Ray stood from his place and went to the door and when he opened it Neela noticed how his expression had went from blank to a mixture of sad, shock and anger.

Again I leave you with a cliffhanger, who is at the door, I wonder, well I don't but I know that you do MAHAHA

Write to you soon my darlings : )


	5. Only the Beginning

Title: Doctor Rock

Rating: T

Summery: Set two months after Ray left to go to L.A with his Band, what made him come back to the E.R?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to E.R and don't I know it, cos if I did things would have went very differently by now.

**CHAPTER FIVE: ONLY THE BEGINNING**

Ray couldn't believe his eyes when he opened the door and saw who stood before him, the man he had been running from most of his life, was now standing in front of him and Ray didn't know what to do.

'Why don't you move aside and let your old man in heh?' James Barnett said before reaching his hand out to shove aside a now very shocked Ray.

On the moment that his fathers hand touched him Ray instantly drew back, all of the anger leaving him and only the sadness and fear consuming him.

'What…how are you here…?' Ray stuttered as he kept walking backwards further into the apartment and this drew Neelas attention as she moved from her current position on the sofa to go to the door and what she saw shocked her, to say the least.

The man that was standing before her was large and had cruel eyes, he looked slightly like Ray, the fact that he had brown hair but other that he could have been mistaken for a stranger.

'Ray what are you doing?' Neela stared at Ray and noticed how she saw something in his eyes which she wished she never had to, fear.

James Barnett was getting angry now and walked straight into the apartment knocking Neela in the shoulder and she couldn't help but notice how strong he was.

'You'll have to come back later Mr. Barnett I'm terribly sorry' Neela grabbed James by the arm and pushed him out the door, and was puzzled at how little effort it took, he looked ready to rip someones head off a second ago, Rays come to think of it.

What Neela didn't know was the fact that James only left so easily because if he was going to get payback on the little fuck for what he had done he didn't what any witnesses.

Neela shut the door and let out a sigh before turning around and noticing that Ray was sitting on the floor with his legs drawn up to his chest, _shaking_.

_What the hell would make Ray so afraid?_

Neela walked over and knelt in front of Ray who looked at her with a sad face that broke her heart before saying.

'So do you want to tell me whats going on Ray?'

I know that its been long since I updated but I promise that I will now, I have lots of ideas and I had writers block before, but now I fine YAY! R+R


	6. ExplanationsPt1

Title: Doctor Rock

Rating: T

Summery: Set two months after Ray left to go to L.A with his Band, what made him come back to the E.R?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to E.R and don't I know it, cos if I did things would have went very differently by now.

I know that this update is short but I hope that it is better that nothing and I promise that I will try my hardest to update sooner!

**CHAPTER SIX- EXPLANATIONS**

'_So do you want to tell me what's going on Ray?'_

Ray didn't know what to say, everything was running through his mind on overdrive,

'I…it's..it's nothing Neela…nothing' Ray shakily pushed himself from his current position on the floor and began to pace back and forward in the living room trying to think of the way his father would have found out where he was and his number

'Yeah Ray everythings fine that's why your all pale…look why don't you sit down and we can talk about it, it can't be _that _bad?' But Neela didn't have any idea how wrong she was.

'Well it is and I don't _need or want _to talk about it, I never have and I done fine so I won't now, besides it nothing I already said'

Ray turned and walked to his room and locked the door before Neela even had a chance to move, leaving her thinking, '_this is gonna be a long night'_


	7. ExplanationsPT2

Sorry for not updating in like forever, but I am now going to try to update longer chapters and sooner…..well may as well get to it!!

**DOCTOR ROCK-CHAPTER SEVEN**

**EXPLANATIONS- PART 2**

Ray locked the door and walked over and collapsed in his bed, his head swimming with a million questions,

_Why the hell did he come here? What does he want from me?_

Ray sat up and ran a shaky hand through his hair and tried to decide what he was going to do, he couldn't tell Neela, she already knew too much from his little slip up in the living room when he told her how he didn't tell his dad where he was living

'Smart move….shit what the hell am I going to do?' Ray whispered to himself, Neela already knew something was wrong, he didn't think that he needed to add talking to himself to the list of things that made him weird, I mean how many people does she know who don't tell their parents where they live?

Outside in the living room Neela was watching Rays door and wondering what could be so bad that Ray didn't think that he would be able to tell her, It couldn't be _that_ bad, could it? Well just in case it is then maybe I should go and talk to him…it always helps to talk, whether he thinks it does or not.

Neela got up off her seat on the couch and walked towards Rays room. When she reached the door she gently knocked it,

'Ray, its Neela can I come in?'

When she didn't get an immediate answer she thought that maybe he had fallen asleep or was just ignoring her she contemplated just sitting back down and maybe giving him a bit more time.

As she began to walk away she heard the sound of the key turning in the lock and when Ray opened the door she noticed that his eyes were red and puffy as if he had been crying, _maybe it is bad, I don't think that I've ever seen Ray cry before…well when he wasn't laughing._

Ray turned and walked back to his bed and sat on it with his knees pulled up to his chest

'So I guess you want to know why I didn't tell him were I was?'

Neelas heart clenched when she heard his voice, it was so soft and horse with tears which she could see were now filling his eyes.

'I don't want to force you to tell me anything, what ever you want to say and I'll listen'

Neela sat on the bed beside Ray, not feeling comfortable standing over him when he was going to tell her something which was obviously very difficult.

'Well…you see the thing is we...me and my dad we don't get on…we never did come to think of it...he always said that I was fucking things up and that I would never amount to anything…'

Ray stopped then and drew in a shaky breath, he had never told this to anyone before…but now that he had started there was no going back.

'Before when I still lived in Louisiana with him and my mom…well one night he had a fight with her and started hitting her…I tried to stop him but I couldn't I was only about sixteen a the time but I'd seen it all before…hell I mean he'd done it to me before'

Ray let out a humourless laugh and looked at Neela through the moisture which he could feel was forming in his eyes, waiting to fall over.

'So he eventually stopped hitting her and got up and left to go to the bar and get wasted…like he always did…and my mom told me to get her keys that she was going to leave tonight and I did…it was raining outside and…and…she didn't see the other car'

Just then Ray stopped talking and rested his head on his knees

'Oh Ray I'm so sorry…I didn't know'

Neela put her arms around him and pulled him into a hug feeling him shaking with the force of the tears, he obviously hadn't told many people this as it was a touchy subject and now Neela wished that she had left him alone…she didn't know what was running though his head at the minute.

Ray pulled back from Neela and wiped at his eyes before he looked straight ahead and continued with his story.

'When I woke up I didn't know what had happened…all I could feel was something crushing my legs and when I turned around I say her lying against the wheel with blood pouring down her face…I couldn't even more to help her…I passed out not that long after and when I woke up I was in the hospital and he was there'

Ray and said the word 'he' with some much hate…Neela didn't blame him though, his father sounded like a monster, she knew that her dad could be tough on her sometimes but she could never imagine a child getting beat by their own parent.

'He was just staring at me with this look on his face, I didn't even know if my mom was dead or not…then he just leaned over and whispered in my ear that I was going to be sorry for what I had done'

'Ray it couldn't and wasn't your fault, it was an accident how the hell could he say something like that?' Neela watched Ray waiting for an answer

He turned his face towards her and she watched as a single tear slipped down his cheek as he said,

'But it was' he had said it so matter of factly that Neela couldn't believe what she was hearing, how could someone blame themselves for something that was so out of their control

Neela cupped his face with her hands and turned his to face her, brushing away the tear with her thumb,

'Listen to me Ray it wasn't your fault and I don't care what that bastard told you, you couldn't have done anything to stop it…now just lie down and try and get some rest'

Neela began to gently push Ray down by his shoulders.

'I don't think that I can knowing that he knows where I am…what if he comes back tonight?'

Neela lay down beside Ray as he put his head on her shoulder with his arm around her waist.

'Don't worry he won't'

And with that Neela reached over and turned off the lamp which was on in the room, grabbed the blanket which she had lifted when she stood up the first time and threw it over them both.

And just before she fell asleep Neela looked down at Ray as a thought entered her head

_I'll just have to help him through this…like his helped me so many times._

And with that both fell asleep…one haunted by nightmares of the past.

* * *

WELL THEN!!!

I am soo sorry for not updating sooner…but heh I think I might be onto something.

NOTE: I said that Ray is from Louisiana because that is where Shane West is originally from, in Baton Rouge and I thought that it would be better for some of the memories that I am going to have later on.

Well please R+R and MAKE ME HAPPY!!!

Love DocRoc06


	8. The Morning After

**Sorry that's its been a while but I was working on this to try and get it right to fit with the chapters to come…a reminder to all this is set at the START of season 12 and is a bit AU and OOC for some of the characters, but I'm sure that reading you will be able to guess who. I have a few original characters but not many, so far only Rays father but there may be more later on. **

**Disclaimer: we all know its not mine so must we rub it in?**

* * *

**CHAPTER 8: The Morning After**

It was the middle of the night and Neela woke to find that she was alone in the bed and that the lamp in the living room was on. She looked to the alarm clock on Ray's bedside table as it flashed 2:30am in the morning. Throwing the blanket off she carefully padded to the living room were she saw Ray staring out the window into the Chicago night, completely oblivious to the fact that she was watching him.

Walking over making sure not to startle him she picked up the blanket on the back of the couch as she passed, suddenly noticing how cold it was, the weather fitting to the mood which she was sure Ray was feeling right at that very moment.

Neela walked up behind Ray and wrapped both herself and the warm blanket around him, noticing how Ray was nearly as cold as the room.

'Sorry, didn't mean to scare you' Neela apologised when she felt Ray give a slight jump when she touched him, but he quickly settled back down, leaning against her as if she was the only thing in the world.

'Nah it's alright' Ray let out a yawn but knew that he wouldn't be sleeping any time soon as he closed his eyes at the memories that kept flooding back to him, ones that he had forgotten and wished that they had of stayed that way. Neela noticed him yawn but guessed the exact reason as to why he wasn't sleeping, after hearing his story, she could barely sleep herself, she didn't want to imagine what it must feel like if those memories are your own.

'Do you wanna come back to bed, it's warmer in their or we could just stay out here if you want' she didn't want to be too pushy, knowing that he was obviously not in the mood for one of her moods at the moment.

'I _do _want to go to sleep, I just cant' Ray started to stand and Neela let go of him and watched him as he flopped down onto the couch and put his head in his hands.

'I cant believe that this is happening now…I mean…I don't know what I mean'

Neela walked over and sat beside with her arm and the blanket around him, for the second time that night, not that she minded because she knew that he needed a friend at that moment.

'Well maybe tomorrow you could go talk to Abby or somebody?

Ray's head shot up and he turned to look at Neela with pleading eyes

'No, please just promise me that you won't tell anybody…I mean no offence but I didn't really want you to know, well I actually didn't want anybody to know that I'm actually related to _him'_

'O.K if that's what you want I wont tell a soul, but you have to promise me something as well'

'Well that depends' Ray gave Neela a watered down version of his normal grin

'Just promise me that if you need anyone to talk to that you'll come to me and not try and keep it to yourself'

'but…O.K…although now all I want to do is sleep'

With that both Neela and Ray lay on the couch wrapped around each other for warmth, as they were both too tired to go to the bedroom.

* * *

The next morning Ray woke up with a stiff neck and his back killing him from the awkward position he had slept in. when he woke up a bit more he noticed that Neela was gone and pushed himself up off the couch and padded towards the kitchen, smelling coffee and knowing now where she had went.

'Morning…well afternoon actually sleepyhead' Neela said as she handed Ray a cup of coffee as he sat himself at the table looking like he was about to collapse.

'Afternoon to you too' Ray craned his neck trying to get the crick out of it, how did Brett used to sleep on that, he'd never know.

'Yeah well I let you sleep on, and I did leave you water this time so you better hurry up, we have work today…if you wanna go?'

Neela looked at Ray, wondering if he was really in the mood and awake enough to work today.

'Nah I'll go, better than sitting around here all day…thinking'

With that Ray got up and went to the bathroom to get ready for a long day.

* * *

**Well I hope that you like this update…please R+R and I will try and update sooner. Next chapter will work on the friendships of Neela, Ray, Abby and Luka as a group.**


	9. Release?

**Summery: I know that I said that this chapter was going to be on the friendship of Ray, Neela, Abby and Luka but I thought that this should be more about how Ray is feeling and maybe next chapter will be about the friendship. **

**I know that in this chapter things will resemble the story , 'Nine Lines' but I don't intend on my story following that path quite as much and it is only taking the idea, mine will be a little different as you will see as you read…well as they say, 'on with the show…or writing in this case!'**

**Disclaimer: we all know it's not mine so must we rub it in?**

* * *

**CHAPTER 9: Release?**

Ray stepped out of the shower and put a towel around his waist, just resting on his hips, a wonder to anybody how it stayed there. With his hair still wet and his fringe resting just above his eyebrows he looked at himself in the mirror, noting how pale he was and the bags that had formed under his eyes. He also noticed that he probably needed to shave as the stumble was a lot thicker that usual and that added along with the bags and paleness made him look like he had been out drinking and partying all night, he wished.

Ray ran a hand through his wet hair, causing it to stick up in various areas and began to look for the shaving cream only to notice that it was empty.

'Great' Ray threw the empty can in the bin and began to look for another one in the cabinet under the sink. As he bent over he put his had on the edge of the sink to bend down, his hand caught on the razor which he had forgot placing there and a thin line of blood ran across the palm of his hand.

Instead of feeling the pain which one would think would be accustomed to this type of injury Ray only felt a rush of relief, as if this was a way to ease all of the stress which he was feeling.

Slowly he stood up from his crouched position and lifted the blade up, turning it around in his hand, thinking of his next move, where would be the ideal place for him to give himself a relief from all of the stress. Looking down his reflection in the mirror he spotted the best place and slowly lowered the sharp razor down.

As he drew the razor across his hipbone he let out a small hiss as he felt the stinging sensation, but put it to the back of his mind, it was worth it if doing this would give him a sense of control for once in his life.

As the cut began to burn slightly Ray dropped the razor back into the water in the sink and stared at it as it turned a shade of red, from the blood which had coated his razor seconds earlier. Ray quickly grabbed a handful of toilet tissue and pressed it against the cut, stopping the blood from flowing. It had already been absorbed into the top of the towel on the side of which he had cut, the right side, he would have to try and wash it out before putting it in the hamper, and he didn't want Neela to know what he had done.

He knew that she would tell him that it was stupid and that he shouldn't do it, and he also knew that he promised her that he would talk to her if anything was ever wrong, but he needed this, he needed to be in control of something for once, not being told by Neela or his father what he should do.

After he had stopped the bleeding and covered the cut on his hip with a bit of surgical tape Ray looked in the mirror for the first time and remembered what he had been doing. He quickly found a can of shaving cream and did what he had intended to do.

Ray got dressed and gathered all of the towels and threw them into the hamper, forgetting to clean the towel stained with his blood in the rush to get out of the bathroom. As he opened the door and began to walk towards the couch he noticed that he still had about an hour to go before work and so he thought that he would rest a while.

* * *

Neela turned when she heard the bathroom door open and smiled when she saw Ray, his hair still slightly wet from the shower and noticed how he had shaved, _that must be what took him so long._

Neela walked over to the couch and sat beside Ray, who had his head leaned back and his eyes shut.

When Ray felt the weight on the chair beside him he opened his eyes and turned his head and gave Neela a faint smile.

'Hey' Ray felt slightly uncomfterble with the silence and leaned forward to lift the remote of the T.V and when he stretched out his hand he couldn't stop himself from hissing in pain and grabbing his hand with the other.

'Shit' Ray silently yelled in his head for being so stupid and forgetting about the cut on his hand.

'What is it…how did this happen?' Neela gently took Rays hand in her own and looked at Ray as he turned his head the other way,

'I was bending down to get shaving cream…forgot the razor was on the sink' Ray gave her a small smile _it wasn't all a lie, I just left out the part of what I did with the razor AFTER I ripped my hand open on it._

'Well you should be more careful' Neela immediately felt bad for telling him off when he looked away from her, but not before she saw the sadness in his eyes, _Great Neela, yell at him for something that wasn't his fault, who do you sound like now?_

'I mean…sorry I didn't mean that, come here and let me fix it, you look like you might need a stitch or two but for now we'll settle for a bandage'

Ray looked up and Neela and gave her a small nod and followed her as she went to the bathroom to get the tape.

When Neela walked in she picked gathered all of the stuff that she would need and noticing that the hamper was full walked over to shove in a towel that was half sticking out

_Shit, he must have cut it up pretty bad to have this much blood._

'Wow, I didn't know it was this bad, you should have got me'

Neela turned around and noticed that Ray was leaning against the doorframe staring into the sink and hadn't heard her, obviously in a daze, like the previous night.

'Ray'

'Huh…oh yeah no it wasn't…I took care of it'

Neela walked out of the bathroom and again Ray followed her to the kitchen table where she asked him to sit.

'This might sting a little but…' Neela looked up to notice how yet again Ray had dazed off and was staring into the middle of the room.

After wrapping his hand in a bandage Neela stood up and walked in front of Ray, who blinked once before refocusing his gaze on her, and she noticed how sad and lost he looked.

'Maybe you should stay off today you know to...' Ray cut Neela off mid-sentence as he got up out of the chair and walked over to the couch to get his coat.

'No I already said I'm fine…come on lets go'

With that both Neela and Ray left the apartment and headed to work.

* * *

**Hope you liked this update and please R+R to make me very happy!**


	10. Something Terrible

Disclaimer: I do not own E.R or anything related to it, the characters in this story which I won so far are Ray's parents and that's it….so you don't have to rub it in!

Rating: T

Authors Note: I noticed that I neglected to have a lot of ER action in my story so far, well actually I have had absolutely none if you don't count the guy at the very start so in this chapter I am going to have Ray and Neela working for some of it.

Italics represent thoughts that someone is saying in their head

* * *

**CHAPTER 10- Something Terrible**

Ray and Neela both stood on the platform of the EL waiting for the train to come to take them to work, a place which neither was really in the mood for but neither wanted to stay in the apartment either, there was an atmosphere in there which both just needed to escape.

Neela couldn't help but wondering to herself if Ray really should be working, what if he were to get distracted in the middle of a trauma or zone out like he had many times already that day when a patient was telling him something important. But Neela didn't really want to say anything to Ray as he had already said more than enough times in his opinion that he was fine and could work, but Neela still couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was going to happen that day.

As the train pulled to a step Ray and Neela both walked in and got a seat on the EL, and sat down waiting on the train taking off. Neela turned and looked at Ray who was staring out the window, watching the rain which had just began to pelt down and she took in his appearance for the first time since they had left the house that morning and couldn't help herself from noticing how he looked like he was ready to go to sleep there and then.

Ray was wearing a pair of jeans and his boots with a plain green t-shirt which was hidden by his grey hoody underneath his green coat which came down to mid-thigh level. He also had on a scarf and a pair of gloves and Neela noticed him shivering slightly.

_He must have caught a cold from being in the rain last night and walking in the cold. Maybe I should tell him to stay off work until he's better?_

'Hey' Neela poked Ray gently in the side to get his attention and when he turned he gave her a weak smile and she couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

'You sure you feeling O.K I mean you look a bit pale and your shivering…noticeably I might add' Neela smiled at Ray to try and make him feel better, because to be honest he looked like shit.

'What…no I'm fine just a little cold on the EL that's all' Ray smiled at Neela before turning his head back to the window to watch as the rain pelted heavier by the second, and he couldn't help but think that over the past few days that the weather was fitting to hi mood, gloomy, depressing and dark.

* * *

The train came to a stop and Neela and Ray both got up from their seats and began the walk down to the entrance of county to start a long day of work. As they walked Neela noticed that Ray kept sniffing and coughing, trying to hide it probably knowing that she would again try to convince him to go back to the apartment, which she would, for Gods sake she would drag him back kicking and screaming if she wasn't afraid of what would happen if she did.

Both Neela and Ray walked through the doors and straight to the lockers, saying a quick 'hi' to Jerry as they passed the admit desk.

Ray walked straight to his locker, removing his coat and hoody and replacing them with his white lad coat, stethoscope and county general ID, which was in its usual place at the pocket of his lab coat.

Neela did the same and just before leaving the lounge after Ray who walked straight to the admit desk and picked up a chart without even looking it over to see if it was easy or not, usually he did first thing in the morning so he didn't have anything too hard but today he didn't seem to care.

Ray looked down and scammed over the chart, reading all of the various details that he would need to know before he even went into the room. The patient was a 65 year old man who hand fell and hurt his back,

_Great, just what I need a grumpy old man in pain_

Ray walked into the room and pulled back the curtain to see a rather large man; about 6'5 sitting on the edge of the bed with a rather stern look on his face and Ray couldn't help but think to himself that the man before him did look rather familiar.

'Good morning Mr Armstrong I'm Doctor Barnett, now what seems to be the problem?'

Ray looked up to see the man roll his eyes before he said, 'Well I told the nurse when I came in and she wrote it down, can you not read or something? I have a sore back from a fall and now I need you to have a look at it, you know do what it is you're paid for'

Ray couldn't help but feel a mix of anger and sadness when Mr Armstrong was telling him off, he reminded him of his father, blaming him for something that e hadn't done and not even giving him the chance to explain, it made him feel as if he were only a kid again and he didn't like it one bit.

Ray walked over and pulled a pair of latex gloves from the box and began to put them on when he heard Mr Armstrong snort at him,

'What can you not even look after yourself and you expect me to let you take a look at my back, I don't think so son go and get another doctor…NOW'

Mr Armstrong screamed the last part causing Ray to flinch; he was on edge after the previous night and he didn't like it one bit.

'I'm sorry Mr Armstrong but I have no idea what your talking about, because I can assure that I am entirely capable of looking after myself and you for that matter'

Ray replied back to Mr Armstrong, but not cheeky just with a calm, steady tone.

'No idea, no idea, what do you think I'm talking about you moron, look at your hand!'

Ray looked at his hand then and noticed that there was a thin line of blood on the bandage, Neela was right he would need a few stitches.

'If you'll excuse me I'll be right back'

Ray pulled off the one glove which he had got on and discarded it in the bin before walking out of the room and bumping straight into Neela, who he didn't know was standing outside the door the whole time and had heard the whole conversation.

'Oh hey sorry didn't see you there, I was um wondering if you would take a look at my hand?' Ray held his hand up to Neela, showing her the blood stained bandage.

'Sure, come on in here'

Neela walked into the exam room opposite the one which currently occupied Mr. Armstrong and closed the door. She put on a pair of latex gloves and opened a suture kit as Ray sat down on the bed and began to remove the bandage from his hand, tossing it on the tray beside him.

'This will probably sting a little…' Neela looked up and couldn't suppress the laugh she was holding in at the look of fear on Rays face at the needle, he was looking at her as if she was about to stick a butcher knife in his hand.

'Ow…heh you said a little!' Ray flexed his hand slightly noticing that the numbing effect was already taking place.

'Well it would hurt more to just stick the sutures in so you'll appreciate it' Neela gave Ray a smile as he rolled his eyes and said,

'Yeah well we'd see what you would say if I stuck a giant needle in you'

Neela finished with the stitches and placed a small bandage around Ray's hand.

'You know while your hands numb maybe I could go and take care of your patient, we can trade if you want, mine is ready to be discharged cos I mean you can't really do anything with a numb hand?'

Ray looked at Neela and wondered if maybe she had heard what Mr Armstrong had said and just didn't want him to have to listen to him, and he felt slightly embarrassed at the fact that he needed Neela to help him like this, he wasn't used to it and it was weird.

'Well I suppose cos I mean he kind of wanted another doctor anyway'

Ray got up and threw the now empty suture kit in the bin along with the dirty bandage before he walked out the door and back to admit to get another chart.

* * *

_**8 hours later**_

Neela was standing at admit filling out her charts at the computer, the ER was strangely quiet today, even with the rain and she was beginning to get bored. Gerry was the only one on today and had left to go and get some lunch form the cafeteria, leaving Neela on her own downstairs, and she couldn't help but notice that it wasn't normal for a hospital to be so quiet.

She turned when she heard footsteps coming down the hall and she saw that it was Ray who was now wearing a pair of scrubs and whose hair was dipping wet.

'What happened to you?' Neela ask Ray as he came up to admit and rested beside her with his eyes closed.

'Oh well there was a kid outside in the rain and I had to convince him to come in, and when I did he puked all over me….god I love working in the winter'

Ray turned to Neela and opened his eyes giving her a small smile before coughing a dry, rough cough.

'See I told you that you were sick, now don't you wish that you had stayed home today?'

Ray was about to answer when he heard a voice call his name and turned to see that his father was walking towards both of them and he felt his heart thundering in his chest, and his hands beginning to shake.

_What the hell is he doing here? _

Neela looked down the hall and noticed that Rays father was looking angrier than he had the night before, if that was even possible.

It was the first time that Neela had got a proper look at Mr Barnett and she noticed how evil and monstrous he actually looked, he looked nothing like Ray at all.

He was about 6'4 and was a very large build, not to unlike Jerry and he had cold, evil eyes which were a grey like colour. He wore jeans and a heavy coat, which large heavy boots that thundered in her ears as she saw him approach the desk.

'So I knew that I would eventually find you here, we need to talk so get outside'

Ray was standing glued to the spot, he couldn't believe what was happening and he also knew fine well that when his father wanted to talk it was with his fists and feet rather than with words.

'I'm sorry Mr Barnett but' James Barnett stopped Neela in mid sentence with a glare that could stop anyone in there tracks.

'Listen if I was talking to you I would have said your name but I didn't so shut up…and you get the hell outside so we can talk'

Ray didn't want to see his father starting anything in the ER and he especially didn't want him to hurt Neela after she had helped him last night by listening to him and staying with him all night so he walked from behind the desk and turned to Neela, telling her to stay here and if anyone needed him that he was going on a break before walking out the door with his father.

* * *

When Ray got outside he felt the biting cold, glad that the rain had finally stopped and turned to his father.

'What's this about?' He said it in as steady a voice as he could manage, because in truth he was terrified what it was his father wanted to talk about.

'What do you think that I'm going to talk here, there's a bar a bit down the street, we'll go there, and I tell you _exactly _what it is I want to talk about'

Both Barnett's began to walk down the street and Ray could feel the sickening taste of fear in the pit of his stomach, he knew that he didn't want to be here and was confuse when they passed a bar and kept on walking.

All of a sudden Ray felt his father grab him by the arm and push him into an ally which was dark and out of the way.

'Listen here you little fuck, you nearly got me put away after your mother died, well after you got her killed, and now your going to pay for that'

Before Ray could even register what was happening he felt his father's fist connect with his jaw, throwing his off balance before it connected with his stomach doubling him over in pain and making him fall to the ground in a crouched position.

Ray tried to stand back up but couldn't when his father's foot connected with his side, over and over again and Ray wished that he would just pass out from the pain, as he felt a crack in his side and blood running from the cut on his hip.

The rain had started to pour down again, heavier than before.

Ray rolled on his back when James stopped kicking him and looked up through the rain at his father towering over him,

'Do you think that I deserved to be put away…it hurt me when your mother died and I'm going to show you exactly what its like'

Ray opened his mouth to say something back but was cut short when his father's foot connected with his jaw, causing him to roll onto his side to spit out blood, and by the feeling in his side it wasn't just from his mouth.

All of a sudden Ray felt himself being pushed onto his back and before he had the time to react he saw a glint in the light before he felt a pain in his stomach as the blood began to soak his scrub top.

James Barnett looked down at his son one last time before he ran away, leaving him bleeding on to death in an ally.

Ray gasped for air as he felt his grasp on conscious fading quickly, and his life flowing from his as he shivered from the cold and the rain which was not making any attempt to stop. Ray tried to push himself up but he was too weak and slowly faded into unconsciousness'.

* * *

Neela couldn't stop herself from wondering what was taking Ray so long, he had been gone nearly half an hour and she was beginning to get very worried, she had called his cell phone and he hadn't answered, that did nothing to help the worry at all.

Luka walked over to the admit desk to stand beside Neela and noticed the worried expression on her face,

'Hey Neela, what's wrong you look a bit stressed?'

Right at that moment Neela didn't care if Ray had told her not to tell anyone, she was worried about him, and besides this wasn't really just anyone it was Luka, he was Rays and Neela's friend, he had given Ray his job back without a second thought so that showed that he must like him.

'I don't really know if I should really tell you this but you see the thing is…well Ray and his dad they don't really get on and well his dad is back and well he came to the ER about half an hour ago and he was really pissed, They both left to talk, but trust me he doesn't really talk if you know what I mean.'

Luka couldn't believe what Neela had just told him, he always thought that Ray just didn't talk about his parents because they lived far away or something, he never imagined this.

'Well have you tried his cell phone?'

'Yes and he's not answering it and I'm really worried'

Luka couldn't help but worry too; he had come to consider Ray one of his closer friends since Carter had left.

'Well do you know where they went? I could go I see if I can se them'

Neela told Luka the direction in which Ray and his father had gone. Luka went to the lockers and grabbed his coat and gloves, as the rain was still coming down quite heavy and he began to walk down the cold, wet street, hoping to find Ray.

* * *

After walking for about 10 minutes since he had left the hospital Luka came across a dark ally and he didn't know what had possessed him to go down, but when he saw a figure lying on the ground he was glad.

Luka rushed over to the body and when he rolled them on there back he was shock to see a pale and shivering Ray lying unconscious with blood stained all over his scrub top.

Luka quickly checked to see if Ray was still breathing, and even though it was laboured he thought that it was better than not at all.

He pulled off his coat and placed it over Ray to try and keep him warm, not knowing how long he had been lying there for he could have hypothermia, and pulled out his cell phone and dialled the number to county general.

* * *

Neela was still at admit and wondering what was taking Luka so long and even considered phoning him when the phone rang.

'Hello this is' Neela was cut off mid sentence and was shocked when she heard Luka on the other end of the line.

'Neela its me, I need you to send an ambulance out right now and sent the trauma room up for a stab wound to the lower abdomen, and get lots of blood and warm saline, I don't know how long his been out here'

'What…is it Ray?' Neela felt tears begin to form in her eyes as she heard want had happened.

'Yes…I need you to call Pratt and Abby in O.K. I have to go'

Neela quickly did as she was told, wishing that she had stopped Ray from going.

* * *

Before he hung up Luka told Neela the address which he was and then he quickly shoved his phone back in his pocket.

Luka began to gently shake Ray, trying to get him to wake up but getting no response.

Luka looked up as he heard the familiar sound of the ambulance and called out to them to get over quickly.

When the medics brought the gurney over Luka wasted no time and easily lifted Ray from his place on the ground and set him on the gurney, still with his coat covering him, and began to push it back to the ambulance.

When they got into the ambulance and started the journey to county Luka then took in Ray's appearance, as he could not see it in the ally with the dim light.

He looked at him coved in blood and bruises over his face and arms and noticed how pale he was and how he was still shivering. His hair was soaked and was matted in blood in places around the fringe where the various medics had been putting their hands when they had placed an oxygen mask on to help him breathe.

Not too soon the ambulance pulled into the bay at county and the doors where fired open where Luka say Pratt, Abby, Neela and even Kerry standing, waiting to see how bad the damage to their friend was.

Quickly all of the doctors began to push the gurney to trauma one where Ray was moved from one bed to another.

* * *

Luka quickly put on gloves and cut down the middle of the scrub top to reveal not only a large stab wound, but also lots of bruising on his ribs, and Luka was sure that most of them were cracked.

Suddenly all Ray was aware of was pain all over is body and he could feel himself shaking uncontrollably. He forced his eyes to open and when he did they stung from the bright light above them, but that was soon replaced by the face of Luka.

Luka was watching as Ray tried to focus, blinking sluggishly and looking around as if he was confused as to where he was. Luka felt himself being pushed aside and say that it was Kerry Weaver and he quickly moved to the other side of the bed where he attached another unit of blood and ordered that surgery be called.

Ray turned his head slightly and saw that Kerry Weaver was now standing over him, and he tried to stay awake as she spoke to him.

'It's O.K Ray; we need to take you up to surgery now, O.K'

Ray opened his mouth to answer but began to cough violently and felt his eyes roll back as blood splattered the oxygen mask.

'Shit! Somebody call surgery and tell them to get down here NOW!'

Neela watched in horror as Abby snaked the tube down Ray's throat and couldn't help but think how all of this could have been prevented if she had just stopped him from going to work.

Peter Benton pushed open the doors of trauma one and walked over to the bed.

'So what have we got?'

Luka quickly told Benton and helped him push to gurney to the elevator where he went up leaving all of the other staff wondering if Ray was going to be alright.

* * *

Well I hope that you all like this chapter because I really liked writing it and don't worry I don't want to end it too soon! I hope that you all now REALLY REALLY hates Ray's dad now because he hurt him:) Well I did tell you that Luka would help!

Please Review and maybe I will give another long update!!


	11. Waiting

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything to do with ER….cries as realisation hits me and only Rays parents are mine so far, and Mr Armstrong, obviously?!

**Note: **I'm not going to make Abby pregnant anymore so just ignore that in the first chapter, it doesn't go well with my story!

_Italics which are NOT underlined will represent what Ray is thinking in this chapter._

* * *

**CHAPTER 11- Waiting**

Luka watched as the doors to the elevator closed, and hoped that it would reach the surgical floor soon as Ray was in a bad state, nobody knew how long it had been like this and his body was so weak nobody knew if it could handle the surgery, they all just hoped and prayed that it would.

Luka looked over at Benton and noticed him staring at Ray which a confused look on his face,

'His the doctor that came back from L.A, you met him yesterday'

Benton looked up with a shocked look on his face, he knew that the kid looked familiar but he couldn't quite place it until then.

'Jesus, you wonder why somebody would want to do this, I mean what could he have done?'

Luka just looked down at Ray, wondering the same thing.

Soon the doors of the elevator opened and Luka and Benton pushed the gurney down the hall to the operating room which was all set up, and began to prepare Ray for the surgery, Luka helping as he was going to be assisting.

* * *

_Down in the ER_

Neela and Abby watched as the doors to the elevator closed and turned back to the trauma room which Ray had just left.

The floor was littered with blood and empty units of blood. Both women walked into the room and stood, trying to figure out what had just happened. The room was quiet until Abby spoke,

'I don't get it, who would do something like that to Ray?'

Abby turned to Neela and seen her turn away, obviously trying to hide something.

'What! Do you know who did this, because if you do Neela you have to tell someone'

Neela turned back to Abby, wondering if she should tell her, it wouldn't matter if she told her not to tell anyone would it?

'Abby I don't know if he really did _do _it, I just think that it was! I mean I'm nearly 100 positive that it was because I can't think of anyone else and'

Abby cut Neela off in the middle of her rant, wondering who exactly _he _was.

'What do you mean he, who is he?'

Abby looked expectantly at Neela, waiting for an answer

'Well I'll tell you but you have to promise not to say anything to anyone, O.K'

'O.K, I promise but will you just tell me'.

Neela then told Abby exactly what she had told Luka, but she also told her what Ray had told her the night before, of how his mother had died.

'Oh my God, that's terrible, Neela you have to try and get Ray to tell the police, because they are going to ask him, he's the only one that they'll believe'

Neela looked at Abby with a sad expression on her face and said,

'I know Abby, but I don't think that it will be as easy as that, his afraid of his dad and I don't think that he will want to do anything that will make him any angrier'

* * *

_3 hours later_

Abby, Neela, Pratt and Weaver where all sitting in the lounge, waiting on any news about Rays condition and all internally praying that he was going to be alright.

Pratt was the one to break the awkward silence in the room by saying,

'I wonder what's taking them so long; I mean they've been up there for about three hours now, isn't it?'

Upon saying this he earned a glare from Kerry, who was just about to tell him off when the door opened revealing a rather tired looking Luka.

'How did it go? Is he alright?' Abby jumped up and over to Luka as soon as she seen the door open, eager to hear any news.

Luka rubbed his hands over his eyes and sat in the empty seat beside the coffee table before he began to tell the others the account of what had happened up in surgery.

'Well he's in recovery now but things didn't go as well as we had hoped'

Kerry's head swam with the millions of possibilities of what Luka could be talking about were before blurting out,

'What do you mean as well, what happened?'

'Well when we got the surgery started that's when we noticed that there was more damage than what we had previously thought. He broke a few ribs and they tore a small tear in one of his lungs, that's why he coughed up all that blood, and then to top it all off whoever stabbed him got him right in the appendix so Benton had to remove it, but he lost a lot of blood and is still very weak so they want to keep him in a drug induced coma for a couple of days to give his body time to heal a bit. And as if that wasn't enough he also has mild hypothermia, probably for being out there so long, but it was probably the thing that helped him survive for so long by slowing down the blood loss a bit.'

All of the doctors sat in shock at the news that Luka had just told them, not believing it.

'Well can we still go up and see him because I just…it would make me feel better' Neela looked at Luka with pleading eyes, wanting him to tell her that she could.

'I think that should be fine, but you should get something to eat first, you haven't eaten all day, have you?'

'Oh, I had something while we were waiting, so I might just go on up…bye'

And with that Neela exited the lounge and made her way to the elevator to take her to the SICU where Ray was staying.

* * *

_Up in the SICU_

When the doors to the elevator opened Neela walked over to the reception and asked the number of the room which Ray was in and began to walk down the hall.

As she walked she noticed how opposite this level of the hospital was to the one that she was used to. Rather than being noisy and full of lots of people, the only sound that you could hear was the various heart monitors beeping, and doors opening and shutting quietly, so as not to disturb anybody.

When Neela reached the room which Ray was in she placed her hand on the door knob and gently pushed open the large brown door.

When she entered the room she was taken aback at Ray's appearance, which startled her even though she couldn't see it as clearly in the dim light of the room.

He lay in the bed with a tube snaked down his throat and taped down, he was also very pale and this made the dark bruises on his arms, face and chest, or at least the ones on his chest which she could see with the way the blanket covering him was, look a deep purple and black colour. His hair was also not spiked up like it usually was but instead it was lying limp, with pieces falling just above his eyebrows.

Neela walked over and stood beside the bed, taking Ray's hand in her own, noting how cold it was and watched his chest rise and fall, not by his own efforts but by the machine that he was attached to, keeping him alive.

Over the next few days all of the doctors in the ER had visited Ray at least once, wanting to check if he was still OK.

* * *

_Four Days Later_

Abby was sitting in Ray's room, waiting for him to wake up, or more hoping, as he had been taking off the drugs that had been keeping him in the coma the night before. Neela wasn't there like she had been nearly every other day before because she had to work, but had been told that as soon as Ray woke up that she could go up and see him.

_Oh my God, why do I hurt so much and what the hell is down my throat? _

Abby looked up from the magazines which she had been reading when she saw Ray move his hand, trying to lift it to feel the tube in his throat, probably wondering what it was.

She got up off her seat and held his hand, brushing his hair off his forehead,

'Hey, don't do that, just open your eyes and then I'll go and get the doctor to take it out O.K'

Abby stared down at Ray's face and watched as he opened his eyes with a fixed effort, to look up at her with cloudy eyes, although she could se fear and confusion in them.

'Hey sleepyhead, I'll be right back'

Abby leaned over and kissed Ray on the forehead in a motherly way, glad that he was finally awake and eager to go and tell everyone, especially Neela.

Ray heard the door open and shut as Abby left the room and tried to turn his head, but found that he was too tired to even do that simple task, so instead he moved his eyes sluggishly around as much of the room that he could see while lying on his back, which wasn't very much.

He heard the door open again and then saw the face of a doctor which he thought looked a bit familiar,

'O.K Ray, I'm doctor Benton, we're going to take this tube out now, so on the count of three blow out really hard…one…two…three!'

And with that the Benton pulled the tube from Ray's throat, leaving him coughing slightly and as she checked over his vitals while Abby held a straw to Ray's lips as he took small sips of the water, as his throat was rough and dry.

After checking over the vitals Benton left the room to let Ray and Abby talk for a while, knowing that Ray would be feeling sleepy again when he got another dose of morphine.

Ray turned his head to look at Abby, who he could see was staring at him from the corner of his eye, he didn't know what was going on,

_What the hell happened, why am I in a bed in the hospital and why do I hurt all over as if I was ran over by a bus a million times._

Abby noticed the confused look in Rays eyes, but what he was about to say she wasn't prepared for,

'What happened?'

* * *

Well not as long as my last story, but again I leave you on a cliff hanger!!

Please leave reviews and maybe I will try a little harder to write more laughs evilly


	12. Hazy

**Disclaimer: It has already been in 11 other chapters, I think that you all know it by now.**

**Note: For anyone who also likes LXG, I am working on a new story called, 'Hybrid Theory' and the first chapter is also posted on So if you do like LXG I would appreciate it if you read that as well, it is mainly about Tom Sawyer (Is it just a coincidence that Shane West plays Tom Sawyer?)**

**Well I want to thank everybody who has reviewed _any_ of the story so far, as it is your comments that are keeping me writing this!**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Hazy**

'_What happened?'_

Abby couldn't believe what she was hearing, and she didn't have a clue as to approach the question. She knew that Ray have looked confused when he had first woke up, as well as a little scared, but she just thought that maybe he was confused as to why he was not in the trauma room where he had last been awake, and scared about what had happened.

'What do you mean honey, what don't you remember?'

Ray laid his head back against the pillow and tried to remember the last place that he had been, but his mind was hazy and he couldn't quite remember.

'Well…I remember…I went out to the ambulance bay to talk with this guy…and then…we…I can't remember'

Abby gasped in shock at what she had just heard, Ray had forgot the entire incident, and although it was terrible she didn't really know if it was for the best. If Ray couldn't tell the police what his father had done, then he would just hurt Ray again.

Abby watched as Ray turned his head to look at her again, his eyes now clearly showing fear and confusion and she got up from her seat to lay a comforting hand on his arm.

'It's O.K, you might just be a little groggy from the operation…I'm going to go and get Dr. Benton but I'll be straight back, O.K. Just try a rest a bit, I won't be long'

With that Abby kissed Ray on the check before she turned and left to go get Luka, she didn't know who else to get. She also remembered her promise to Neela, and quickly paged her to let her know that Ray was awake.

* * *

Back in the room Ray lay in the hospital bed, trying to figure everything out in his mind, but that was just making him feel dizzy. He was cold even though he was covered with three blankets and his ribs and face were hurting but he didn't know why. 

What scared Ray the most was the fact that the last person he was talking to was his father and not thinking that he was jumping to any unbelievable conclusions he knew that the reason he was lying in a hospital bed with wires coming out of him from every angle had to have something to do with James Barnett, but Ray just couldn't remember.

* * *

Neela was sitting at admit talking to Frank and Jerry when suddenly her pager went off. Both the men looked at her with surprise on their faces when Neela let out a yelp and was smiling like crazy. 

'What, did one of your patients actually make it through?' Said Frank as he scoffed down another doughnut.

'No, its Ray, he's awake. I'm going to go up and see him now'

Neela practically skipped over to the elevator, she couldn't wait to see Ray, she had been so worried about him the past few days and she just wanted to make sure that he would be alright, even though she knew that it would take time, but she would be there to help him.

* * *

Ray felt his eyes drifting shut, and he couldn't fight the feeling of doziness' as his eyes closed fully and he fell asleep. 

He had only been asleep for a few minutes when he woke with a start, breathing heavy.

'What the…' Ray grabbed his side in pain, suddenly feeling very dizzy after jumping up so fast, not knowing the extent of his injuries.

'Hey what's wrong?' Ray tried to open his eyes when he heard a familiar voice calling his name, but when he forced them too he struggled to see properly, everything blurring together.

Neela ran into the room when she had seen the pained looked on Rays face and watched as he tried to focus his gaze on her face.

When his vision had finally cleared, Ray noticed that it was Neela who had called him and he looked in her eyes and saw the horror there.

'Here lie back down'

Neela gently pushed Ray down by the shoulders and watched as his breathing returned to a steady rhythm.

'What happened, why did you jump up?' Neela kept her hand on Rays arm and brushed some of his hair off his forehead as he told her.

'I was asleep and I had this dream…my dad he…stabbed me and then I was in the hospital, then I woke up'

Neela looked at Ray, obviously confused as she did not know that Ray had forgotten what had happened.

'It just seemed so real'

'Well that's because it was Ray, but don't worry your fine now'

Neela looked at Ray as he stared and her in confusion and snapped her head to the door when she heard Abby calling her name.

'Neela, can you come here a second…please'

Neela stepped away from the bed and walked out of the room as Luka entered and looked at Abby, why did she look a bit pissed?

'Neela, why did you tell him that for?'

'Wait, what do you mean, he knows what happened I mean he was'

Abby cut Neela off mid sentence,

'No Neela, he forgot, when he woke up he couldn't remember anything past the point when he went outside into the ambulance bay'

Neela looked back to the door of Rays room, wondering if what she had just done may have been a very big mistake

* * *

**Well I know that you probably hate me because I keep giving short-ish chapters, but I think that we all know that old saying, quality not quantity.**

**Please R+R**


	13. Help Me

**Title: Doctor Rock (13/?)**

**Author: DockRock06  
Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to ER, they own to all the wonderful people who write the storylines which we all love so much, including the one which I got this idea from. But I do own James Barnett, and other characters to come. The police and other ones that I'm sure all you cleaver people will be able to guess  
Spoilers: Season 12, 'If Not Now'  
Content Warning: None really that you can't handle if you are reading a story with this rating!**

**A/N I just want to say that I am really sorry for not updating sooner but I had tests to do and school was driving me mad, but now I give you chapter 13…**

* * *

**CHAPTER 12- Help Me**

Ray turned and stared at Luka, wondering if what Neela had just told him was true.

'Is that true? Did it really happen?'

Luka couldn't help but feel sorry as he looked down at Ray, lying in the hospital bed covered in bruises and blankets and he knew that there was no point in lying to him.

'Yes Ray, it did'

Luka sat down in the chair and watched as Ray slumped in the bed and he stared forward, a look of shock on his face.

'But how did you know where I was?'

Ray turned and looked at Luka, his voice coming out not as steady as he wanted it to.

'Well you had been gone a while and Neela told me a bit about what happened…I went off in the same direction that you did and found you lying in the alley…you lost a lot of blood'

Ray didn't know what to think as Luka told him what had happened and how he had been found; the only thing that he thought was that his father had actually tried to kill him.

'My Dad, where is he…did he?'

Ray trailed off; tearing his gaze away from Luka as he thought in his head that his dad must still be out there and that meant that he would come back.

Luka noticed the look on Rays face and stood up to place a comforting hand on his friends shoulder,

'It'll be alright, he can't come in here, but now you just need to rest and try and get your strength back up'

Ray slowly nodded at Luka, feeling himself growing sleepier and as soon as Luka had shut the door Ray and fallen asleep, but it was not a peaceful one.

After Luka had left Ray's room he, Abby and Neela had all returned to the ER, wanting to give Ray some time to himself to process what he had just been told and to get some much needed rest.

* * *

_6 hours later_

It was the end of Neela's shift and she was heading up to Rays room, wanting to check that he was alright after what she had told him.

As she neared the door to Ray's room she opened it quietly, making sure not to wake Ray in case he was still asleep. However whenever she opened the door she saw that Ray was sitting up in bed with his heading resting on his knees and breathing in a way that showed his current position was causing him pain.

'Ray what are you doing, you should be resting!'

Neela walked over a placed her hand on Ray's back, which caused him to look up at her and she could tell that he had been crying as his eyes where red and his face was still wet from tears.

'What if he does come back Neela?'

Neela felt her heart ache at the sound of his voice, it was so soft and horse now with tears, and also by the way he was looking at her, almost as if he was pleading with her to help him.

Neela sat down on the bed in front of Ray and wrapped her arms around him and felt him shaking as he cried, muttering into her shoulder and grabbing on to her as if he was just a child.

Neela sat rubbing his back as he cried, glad that it was late and most of the staff who worked in the ER had gone home already, she didn't want to think what the questions would be if they walked in on the scene before them.

'Don't worry Ray, he won't come back, me, Abby and Luka won't let him.'

Neela felt Ray pull away from her and studied his face, trying to figure out what was going on inside his head at that very moment.

'He will, I know that he will…I mean…I just know…Neela will you help me?' He let his voice trail off at the end, not wanting to hear how weak he sounded, he had always looked after himself when something was wrong, but now he needed help and he couldn't push down the feeling of shame at having to ask.

Ray sighed and wiped at his eyes, and then let himself fall back against the pillows, his ribs now hurting even more than before.

Neela got up off the bed and pulled the blanket up over Ray, and then resumed her position on the bed, only this time she held Rays hand.

'Listen, how about I stay here tonight and then maybe we'll see about you getting let home early, because if I'm looking after you I don't think that it should be a problem?'

Ray nodded at Neela and gave her a weak smile as he felt his eyes growing heavy with the passing seconds.

Noticing this Neela got up off the bed and kissed Ray on the cheek, and when she pulled back she saw that he had fallen asleep.

Sitting in the chair beside the bed, she lifted his hand in hers and couldn't help but think the same as Ray had said,

_Would his father come back?_

* * *

The light shone through the curtains and woke Neela up, and she couldn't help but groan. She was surprised however at how comfortable she had been in the chair. She stood up and stretched, looking at Ray and notice that during the night he had curled himself up on his side in his sleep. 

His knees where drawn up to his chest and his head was ducked down, as if he was trying to hide from the world, and Neela couldn't help but feel sorry for him, she had no idea what it was like growing up with a monster for a father and she wished that Ray didn't have to either.

Neela went to the bathroom which was joined to the room, as she felt her bladder telling her that she needed to use the bathroom, now.

When Neela came out of the bathroom five minutes later, after washing her hands and fixing her hair she noticed that Abby was now in the room and was looking at Ray in a motherly way, and Neela was sure that Abby was thinking all of the same things that she was.

'Hey' Neela whispered and she gave Abby a small smile, watching as she sat in the seat beside Ray's bed, looking at him as she talked.

'I can't help but feel protective over him, almost like he's a little brother, if you know what I mean?'

Abby looked at Neela, hoping that she understood what she meant.

'Yeah, I get it; we've all grown close over the past year'

Both Neela and Abby sat like that, in silence for about ten minutes before they heard Ray groan, and both shot up from their chairs to see what was wrong.

'Ray!' Both called in unison, and this cause Ray to shoot his eyes open and look at them both with confusion.

'Yeah?' He asked with a slight drawl, his southern accent more noticeable when he was only awake, or drunk.

'We thought something was wrong' said Neela as she brushed some of his hair of his forehead.

'What, no, I was just waking up' Ray pushed himself up and rubbed at the back of his neck, sore from the way he had been lying.

'Well it's nice to see you awake before I have to go, see you later' Abby leaned over and gave Ray a hug and said good-bye to Neela before she went downstairs to start another shift in the ER.

* * *

_Four Days Later_

Neela had done what she had told Ray, and he was now being released as long as Neela was there to look after him.

Back in the room, Neela couldn't help but laugh at the look on Rays face when a male nurse had been sent in to help him dress, which he had of course said, well shouted in an octave higher than his normal voice, 'No' at.

It had only taken Ray 45 minutes to get his jeans, t-shirt and socks on. He had no trouble in getting on his trainers as he didn't tie them and just had to shove his feet into them.

Neela entered the room with a wheel chair and laughed at the look of disgust on Rays face. She walked over to the bed and stood in front of Ray as he pulled on his zip-up, not wanting a hoody as the idea of spending another hour trying to get that on was not very appealing to him.

Neela pulled the hood up and pulled in down to just over his eyes and laughed,

'Now noone will know it's you'

Ray grinned at her and pulled the hood back down and slowly sat in the wheelchair, ready to go home, this place was driving him mad.

* * *

**I know that this chapter is quite crap and short but I wanted to post something as I felt bad for leaving you all for so long. Also I want to say that Ray's Dad is still going to be back to cause more trouble and there will be more secrets of Rays that I will reveal in later chapters!**

**Please R+R**


	14. Nightmares

**Title: Doctor Rock (14/?)**

**Author: DockRock06  
Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to ER, they own to all the wonderful people who write the storylines which we all love so much, including the one which I got this idea from. But I do own James Barnett, and other characters to come. The police and other ones that I'm sure all you cleaver people will be able to guess  
Spoilers: Season 12, 'If Not Now'  
Content Warning: This chapter has to do with abuse, but so does the whole story really after this so if you don't like then you shouldn't read…because this story is not for you. But it is nothing too graphic so don't worry.**

**A/N I know that in the chapter of the last posted I gave the wrong chapter number…well just saying that I noticed after I posted it and that is why it wasn't changed.**

**Also this chapter is going to be showing the relationship of Neela and Ray…as friends because I don't know if this is going to be a Reela. But with lots of nice reviews I'm sure that I could be persuaded. **

**Italics represent dreams- Rays to be exact. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it was very much appreciated…or as we say here in Northern Ireland, 'Ta'! **

**Well on with the story**

**CHAPTER 14- Nightmares**

Ray and Neela walked through the front door to their apartment and Ray made his way to the couch, still feeling a little worse for wear, as Neela dumped his bag from the hospital in his room. They had finally gotten out of the hospital after various members of staff had came over to Ray to say how they were glad that he was getting out and that they hoped that he was feeling better soon. Neela had noticed that Ray had forced a smile on his face, obviously feeling a little bad for lying to his friends and co-workers about what had happened. They had told everyone that he had been mugged, because they knew that Ray didn't want the entire hospital knowing about his messed up family. The only other member of staff that had been told the actual reason was Kerry Weaver and that was only because Luka wanted to give Ray some extra time off and needed to explain to Kerry why that was.

'God, I don't think that I have ever felt this sore' Ray sighed and put his head back closing his eyes, the stress of the past few days still weighing heavy on him.

Neela watched as Ray breathed in and out and couldn't help but noticed that when he drew in a deep breath that he would wince ever so slightly and this concerned her a bit but then she reminded herself that he had been released from hospital earlier than normal and still had a lot of resting to do.

'Yeah well don't worry, all you will be doing over the next few weeks is lying on your ass and concentrating on getting better. Doctors' orders'

Neela smirked as Ray looked at her, with one eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face. She rounded the couch and sat beside Ray, lifting his legs so that they were sitting in her lap, and this earned her a confused look from Ray.

'Well this way I know that you won't try and go wondering around the apartment, cos I have your legs hostage.'

Neela turned on the T.V and began flicking through the channels, finally resting on a film which looked like it had only started.

Halfway through the film, Neela turned to Ray and noticed that he had fell asleep, his head turned towards the inside of the couch and his arms laying across his chest and stomach, as if he was hugging himself to make himself better and Neela couldn't help but give a quiet giggle at the thought. She then turned back to the movie.

_He was only about 16 years old and he had just gotten home from school. He was a little late and knew that he would be in trouble, His father was always mad whenever Ray didn't do as he was told. But this time it hadn't been his fault. He had missed the bus and had to walk home, and now he was also soaked from the rain._

_As he walked up the steps to his house he turned the handle and gently pushed the door open. He walked in and sat his bag down and slowly walked to look into the living room, where he could see his father lying on the sofa, an empty bottle of beer lying on the ground beside him. Since Ray's mother had died his father had turned to drink and had gotten a lot more violent, and Ray always tried his best to stay out of his way, but today is was scared because his father was ten times worse when he was drunk and by the looks of it, he had drank a lot more than the empty bottle lying beside him._

_Ray quietly walked away and went towards the stairs and began to climb them slowly, hoping that his father wouldn't wake up, but he wasn't that lucky. Ray turned and looked as his father sat up on the sofa, and felt is stomach knot in fear when he saw the look in his fathers eyes, it was something he had never seen before mixed with the all too familiar anger and this continued to innerve Ray even more._

_Within the space of a few seconds Rays father had jumped off the sofa and was right behind Ray on the stairs, and grabbed him by the back of the t-shirt which he was wearing and pulled him back down the stairs and into the living room. His Father began to kick Ray over and over again, even as Ray cried and begged him to stop, but Ray begging seemed to be what was making his father kick him even more._

_Ray rolled off his side and began to push himself up on his hands when all of a sudden he felt his fathers foot on his lower back, stopping his movements immediately._

'_I'm going to make you suffer for all that you have done' _

_Ray turned his head around as much as he could to look at his father and tried to scramble to get away when he saw the look in his eyes and the fact that he had opened his belt and was in the middle of opening his jeans._

Neela turned to look at Ray again when she felt his legs moving about in her lap, and was shocked when she saw that his face was pale and he was sweating, obviously caught in the middle of a nightmare by the look on his face.

Neela quickly pulled herself from under Rays legs and rushed to his head where she began to shake him awake, and noticed that he was mumbling the words, 'No' and 'Stop' over and over again.

Ray shot up and was breathing heavy as he turned to look at Neela who was staring back at her with a confused look on her face, obviously wanting an explanation.

Neela sat on the couch and hugged Ray, knowing that he had had another nightmare about his father, or at least she guessed by the look on his face and ran her hand through his hair before she began to rub circles on his back to try and make him feel better.

Neela this time however noticed that Ray was actually shaking and when she pulled back to see that he was actually trying not to cry was even more confused than before.

'Ray what's wrong? Neela gently cupped Rays face in her hands and began to rub her thumbs across his cheek

'I…I…it was just…nothing' Ray stammered looking around the room, trying to avoid Neelas eyes.

Before Neela could even register what he had done Ray had pulled himself away from her and ran for the bathroom and locked the door. As she got closer she could hear him being sick and knew that the nightmare was obviously much worse, and she had to get him to talk to her.

**O.K so that was chapter 14, I hope that you all liked it and now hate Rays Dad even more. I know that what I had happening is a bit...well I don't really know a word for it…but I wanted to have something that no one else had as I want my story to be slightly original. Please Read and review as I will take all notes into consideration and if I see that you like it then I will try and update sooner!**

**Love DocRock06**


	15. Why won't you tell me?

**Title: Doctor Rock (15/?)**

**Author: DockRock06  
Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to ER, they own to all the wonderful people who write the storylines which we all love so much, including the one which I got this idea from. But I do own James Barnett, and other characters to come. The police and other ones that I'm sure all you cleaver people will be able to guess  
Spoilers: Season 12, 'If Not Now'  
Content Warning: This chapter has to do with abuse, but so does the whole story really after this so if you don't like then you shouldn't read…because this story is not for you. But it is nothing too graphic so don't worry.**

**A/N I know that it has been a while since I updated but this story is getting harder to write cos I don't want to write a bunch of crap!**

**Italics represent dreams or memories- Rays to be exact. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it was very much appreciated…or as we say here in Northern Ireland, 'Ta'! **

**Well on with the story**

**CHAPTER 15: Why won't you tell me?**

* * *

****

Ray sat back from the toilet, and leaned on the cool tiles and he felt himself shaking. He pulled himself to his feet, flushing the toilet as he went and walked over to the sink, rinsing his mouth out with water and mouth wash. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and noted how pale he was and the beads of sweat that covered his forehead. Ray turned and looked to the door, knowing that Neela was defiantly outside and he didn't think that he would be able to tell her what was wrong, and the truth was he didn't want to.

He didn't want anybody to know what his father had done to him, not only the once that he had just remembered in his dream, but a few more times. He had never told anybody then and he didn't want to tell Neela now. He didn't think that he would be able to stand the look of pity in her eyes. He knew that look, he had seen it the nights that people would come in and tell what had happened to them. And whenever it was a guy he had once heard Morris saying how he would kill himself if that ever happened to him, and he had just tried to look like the thought didn't affect him more than it really did.

Ray slid down the wall beside the sink and covered his head with his hands and tried his best not to cry, but the truth was he was more scared now than he had ever been before in his life.

* * *

Outside the bathroom Neela was standing with her hand on the handle, after having knocked on the door and received no answer at all from Ray. She leaned her head on the door, taking her hand off the handle and that was when she heard the quiet sound of sobbing coming from the bathroom and this only made her worry ten times more.

'Ray…will you open the door please…it'll be O.K I just want to talk to you'

When Ray heard these words, his mind slipped back to the memory that he had dreamt only ten minutes earlier.

* * *

_Ray felt his fathers weight pushing down on him, knowing what was about to happen and opened his mouth to scream when he felt his fathers hand cover his mouth and his mouth beside his ear, 'I wouldn't do that if I where you'_

* * *

Ray opened his eyes and pushed his palms against his temples as his head pounded with all of the memories and images that where flooding into his brain.

* * *

_After Ray's father got off of him 10 minutes later, he kicked him in the stomach and laughed when Ray covered his head with his hands shaking in fear._

'_I told you that you were gonna pay, and boy, your never gonna stop paying for what you done'_

_James Barnett walked from the room and slammed the door._

_Ray pushed himself to his feet on shaky legs and scrambled to the door, pulling it open and trying to run as fast as he could up the stairs, considering the fact that he felt that he had just been ripped in two._

_When he reached the landing Ray stumbled and clawed at the door handle to his bedroom, pushing it open and crawling inside. He made his way over to the side of his bed that was away from the door, pulled his knees up to his chest and cried._

* * *

As the images flashed before his eyes Ray slammed his hand down onto the floor and tried his best to block them out.

* * *

Outside the bathroom, Neela was on the verge of insanity worrying about Ray, and although she knew that he would be pissed at her for what she was about to do, she walked to her room and got the spare key for the bathroom. The one that they had just in case the other had forgot a towel or something and needed it to be brought in.

As she made her way to the door, she pushed the key in and listened as she heard the sound of the other clanging to the floor and she pushed the handle down.

When she opened the door she saw that Ray was sitting against the wall with his head on his knees and his arms wrapped over his head and she noticed that his shoulders were shaking. Neela quickly walked over to Ray and wrapped her arms around him, like she had done so many times over the past few weeks and felt him stiffen up, as if was afraid of her, and this thought only unnerved her.

'Please don't' Neela wouldn't have believed that she had heard the words until she felt Ray trying to pull away from her embrace and this only continued to puzzle her.

'Don't what Ray…what's wrong with you?'

Neela pulled back from Ray and looked at his face, noticing that he was trying to avoid her gaze. She gently put her hand under his chin and lifted his face, noticing that his face was tear-stained and his eyes were red, and he still wouldn't look at her.

'Why won't you talk to me Ray? I only want to help you and I can't if you won't tell me what the problem is'

Neela watched as Ray turned his face away from her and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, and she heard him mumble something but didn't quite catch what it was he had said.

'What sweetie, I can't hear you?'

Neela leaned in closer as he turned to look at her

'I don't want to need help Neela' He said, his voice horse with tears.

Neela put his hand on his cheek, running her thumb lightly over the bruise on his cheekbone as she said,

'Ray nobody ever _wants_ to need help, but I _want _to help you. I mean you are my best friend after all' Neela gave Ray a small smile, hoping to the mood a little.

Ray looked at Neela, and forced a smile, and as he began to push himself to his feet, he realized that sitting crouched in the corner probably wasn't the best idea for his aching ribs.

Noticing this Neela grabbed Ray around the arm and gently helped to pull him to his feet.

'Thanks' Ray said, now that he was standing on his own. He ran a hand through his hair and sensing that Neela was going to ask about the dream, which she was, quickly said

'Well, I might just go to bed now, you know turn in before I drop'

And with that Ray walked to his own room and lay down, pulling the blankets and sheets close, hoping that when he fell asleep this time, that he wouldn't be met by more nightmares from the past.

* * *

_The next morning_

After spending most of the night awake, and tossing in his bed Ray decided that he wasn't going to get to sleep, and considered getting up until he remembered that Neela was likely to ask him about last night, and he didn't know what he would say to her if she asked. So instead he lay on his side, watching his clock blinking.

Outside in the kitchen Neela was making herself breakfast and considered going in to see how Ray was. After making up her mind Neela downed the rest of her coffee, grabbed a bottle of aspirin with she was sure Ray would want and a glass of water and made her way to his door.

When she opened his door she looked at the way he was lying. He was turned away from the door so she could only see his back and he had the blankets pulled up around himself. She quietly walked over and sat on the edge of the bed behind him and set the glass and aspirin on the bedside table. Not sure if he was awake or not she gently lay her hand on his back and was shocked when he jumped and this made her instantly remover her hand.

'I'm sorry, did I wake you?'

Ray turned over to look at Neela, and she noticed that he still had dark rings under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept at all, and she knew that this was probably true.

'What, no…I just didn't hear you come in'

Ray pushed himself up slowly and wrapped his arms around his ribs as he felt them burn. He laid his head back and blew out a breath.

' I brought you some aspirin' Neela popped two out of the bottle and handed them to Ray who thanked her and took them, praying that they would start to work soon.

'So…about last night?' Neela looked over at Ray, who was now biting his lip and yet again trying to avoid her gaze, something he had been doing quite often.

'What about it?' Ray suddenly looked at Neela and gave her a small smile, thinking to himself that if he downplayed that it wasn't anything really then maybe she would leave it alone.

Neela lifted Rays hand in her own, which surprised him, and began to rub her thumb over the back of his hand.

'Well you were…you weren't yourself last night, and I don't expect you to be…but I want you to talk to me Ray, I want to know what's going on inside your head'

'You don't' Ray said the words so soft and so sad that Neela thought her heart would break. He reminded her of a little lost puppy and she just wanted to make him better, if only he would let her.

'And why wouldn't I?' Neela didn't say it with sarcasm, but with concern. What could be so bad that Ray thought that Neela wouldn't want to know, or more importantly that he didn't want to tell her?

Ray pulled his hand away from Neela and got up and began pacing the room.

'You just…I can't tell you…you wouldn't understand'

Ray turned his face to look at Neela, his arms wrapped around his body just like the night before, only this time he looked as if he was trying to protect himself. _But from what?_

Neela also noticed the tears that were burning at the back of his eyes and got off the bed to go over to him, but stopped when he backed away from her.

'Ray' Neela looked at Ray as he turned his face away from her.

'Neela you don't get it, I can't tell you, I can't tell anybody…and…' Ray trailed off as he hung his head and Neela watched as a tear slid down his cheek.

Ignoring his earlier reaction towards her, Neela walked over and wrapped her arms around Ray, but made sure that she didn't hurt him.

As she did she felt his wrap his arms around her too

'You can tell me anything Ray; you know that…I won't judge you'

Ray pulled away and wiped at his eyes,

'Well I can't…and you will. You say that you won't but everybody would…'

'How can you say that, what is it Ray, why wont you just tell me?'

Ray backed up and slid down to the wall as he said brokenly,

'Because he said he'd kill me if I did'

* * *

**Well there you have it, chapter 15, and I hope that you all like and will review!**


	16. Finding the courage

**Title: Doctor Rock (16/?)**

**Author: DockRock06  
Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to ER, they own to all the wonderful people who write the storylines which we all love so much, including the one which I got this idea from. But I do own James Barnett, and other characters to come. The police and other ones that I'm sure all you cleaver people will be able to guess  
Spoilers: Season 12, 'If Not Now'  
Content Warning: This chapter has to do with abuse, but so does the whole story really after this so if you don't like then you shouldn't read…because this story is not for you. But it is nothing too graphic so don't worry.**

**A/N This is getting a little harder to write as I don't have any clue what it would be like if something like this happened, so I am just trying my best to write a good story…I hope that you all like it**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it was very much appreciated…or as we say here in Northern Ireland, 'Ta'! **

**Well on with the story**

* * *

**CHAPTER 16: Finding the courage**

'_Because he said he'd kill me if I did'_

Neela couldn't believe what she was hearing, she knew who Ray was talking about, and it was his father. He didn't have to tell her because she knew it the instance she say the look on his face and it all became clear to her that Ray was hiding something very important, something which he had not told her the other night.

Neela walked over and kneeled in front Ray, looking at him as his head rested on his knees and his arms where covering his head.

'Ray what is it, what can't you tell me?'

Ray dropped his hands to his sides and looked at Neela, and decided that if he didn't tell her then he would probably go crazy, well more than he already was.

Taking a deep breath Ray pushed himself off the floor and made his way to the couch where he sat with his legs pulled up and his arms hugged around his shins. Neela followed him out and sat on the opposite end, but close enough so that she didn't feel miles away.

'Well the thing is I've _never _told anyone this before…and nobody ever knew…I guess it was always easier that way'

Ray looked up and Neela and saw that she was watching him with a great intensity, as if she was taking in every syllable to the very words that he was saying.

'You don't have to rush Ray, we have all day'

She reached over and squeezed his knee, to show him that she cared for him and didn't want to force him to tell her something that he didn't want to.

'One day when I was about sixteen…not that long after my mum had died…I got home late…he was drunk' Neela watched as he stopped and drew in a shaky breath

'I tried to go up the stairs without him waking up…I thought I had, but I was dead wrong. I turned around and before I know it he was behind me on the stairs trailing me down into the living room…' Neela watched as a tear ran down his face and reached out to wipe it away but he turned his face away from her.

Ray wiped at his eyes, and put his head back on his knees, but Neela could still hear what he was saying. He didn't want to see the look on her face when he said it, but he knew that he had to tell someone.

'He started kicking me and I begged him to stop…I tried to get up but then I…then he'

Ray couldn't finish the sentence and began to cry and he felt Neela wrapping her arms around him, pulling him close to her.

'Ray… did your father…' Neela didn't want to finish the sentence, and she didn't have to when she felt Ray shaking his head against her shoulder and holding onto her as if she was the only other thing in the world.

Neela sat in disbelief as she held Ray, not wanting to believe that someone would do that to anybody, let alone their own child.

'He said that he was going to make me pay for what I'd done'

Neela reluctantly let go of Ray as she felt him pulling away at her. She looked at him with his eyes red from crying and the tear stains on his face. She gently wiped away the remaining tears and pulled Ray to her. He was now sitting on the couch with his head on her shoulder as she ran her fingers through his hair.

'Why did you never tell anybody Ray?'

Ray pulled away from Neela and looked at her and she noticed that he had the same look of fear in his eyes.

'Neela you have to promise me that you'll not tell anybody this time'

Neela leaned over and kissed Ray on the cheek, feeling him jump with surprise.

'Don't worry I won't.'

Neela stood up from the couch and tried to cover her smirk at the slight blush that was covering Ray's cheeks.

'I have to get showered now…and Ray thanks for talking to me'

Ray looked down to his hands in his lap before meeting her eyes once again,

'What are roomies for, huh?'

Neela smiled when Ray gave her his cute smirk, praying that maybe now things would start to get better. But she couldn't force away the eating worrying in the back of her mind that his father may come back, and now she was more worried than before about how he would try to hurt Ray.

* * *

_One week later_

Neela had been off for one week looking after Ray, but now the E.R was short staffed and she was needed back in. Neela was still very wary of leaving Ray on his own because even though he had told her repeatedly that he was fine Neela knew that he wasn't. She noticed that he had lost weight because he wasn't eating, and this was worse than normal because Ray had been thin before and now that he was healing from surgery he really needed to keep up his energy to get better.

After getting dressed Neela made her way over to Rays room to check on him before she left one last time. As she pushed the door to his room open Neela saw that Ray was lying out of the blankets and she noticed as she walked closer that he was shivering slightly. As Neela neared closer to the bed she lifted the discarded blanket up and gently placed it back on top of Ray, pulling it up under his chin.

Neela leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek, hoping not to wake him. But these hopes where shattered because when she pulled away she saw that Ray was grinning at her with one eye open.

'This is the second time that you've came in here Neela…what's wrong do you think I'm going to run away or something?'

Neela sat on the edge of the bed, not caring that she had been caught and put on hand on Rays back, as he was lying on his side, still grinning at her.

'Well I wouldn't put it past you; I mean you are you after all'

Ray pretended to laugh and then pushed the blanket that was covering him down, forcing Neela to remove her hand, something which she found she didn't want to do.

Ray swung his legs to the side of the bed and stretched and Neela couldn't help but laugh at what he was wearing.

'What are you laughing at?' Ray looked at Neela with a confused look on his face as he yawned and ran his hand through his hair.

'Well, for a start you are wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt and you are also wearing bugs bunny boxers.'

Ray looked down at himself and plucked at the front of his t-shirt,

'I know, Mickey and Bugs clash, but what can I say'

Neela stood up and followed Ray as he made his way to the kitchen to get a drink and jumped up on the worktop.

'Ray, why are you up now anyway, you are off, go back to bed'

'What no, I'm up now. Hey how about I phone up and come back to work with you?'

Neela walked over and grabbed the front of the shirt Ray was wearing and pulled him off the worktop, pulling him close to her and said,

'No, you are still not back to full health. And to make sure that you don't go on any walkies I already asked Luka to stop by.'

Neela looked at the confused look on Rays face,

'What, he said he wanted to see how you where. And now I am going to be late if I don't get going so I will see you in twelve hours'

'Bye then'

As the front door shut Ray walked over to the bathroom and decided that if he was going to have company, then he would have to change.

'I wonder what Luka would think if I answered the door like this?' Ray laughed to himself.

* * *

After his shower Ray changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and decided that maybe some TV would make the day go faster.

After watching a documentary about fish and an old western Ray heard the door knock. Looking at his watch Ray noticed that it was only about an hour since Neela left and thought that it was strange that Luka was off already.

As he neared the door the hammering got more and more and this irritated Ray as he didn't like the thought of the 6'4 Croatian trying to knock his front door off its hinges just because he didn't run to the door after the first knock.

'I'm coming, I'm coming, keep your pants on man' Ray shouted and smiled as the hammering ceased.

Ray opened the door and stood in shock at who stood before him, it was James Barnett.

* * *

**Dum Dum Dum…haha I leave you again with a cliffy…and I do love reviews so please leave them!**


	17. This can't be happening

**Title: Doctor Rock (17/?)**

**Author: DockRock06  
Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to ER, they own to all the wonderful people who write the storylines which we all love so much, including the one which I got this idea from. But I do own James Barnett, and other characters to come. The police and other ones that I'm sure all you cleaver people will be able to guess  
Spoilers: Season 12, 'If Not Now'  
Content Warning: This chapter is a little more graphic than all of the previous, so if you do not want to read then I suggest you skip this chapter out until the next. But it is nothing too graphic so don't let that put you off reading it.**

**A/N I thought that I would have a little Ray/Luka friendship in this chapter, so I put it in!**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it was very much appreciated…or as we say here in Northern Ireland, 'Ta'! **

**Well on with the story**

* * *

**CHAPTER 17: This can't be happening**

Ray felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart thundering against his chest as he stared at his father, frozen to the spot as he didn't know what to do.

James Barnett pushed his son out of his way and walked into the apartment, slamming the front door in the process. Turning quickly he grabbed Ray by the front of his t-shirt before he had the chance to move and slammed him up against the wall, putting his large hand around Rays throat.

Ray felt his back burning with the impact of the hit to the wall and shuddered when his father leaned in close to his ear, his grip on his throat being released but only so that James could move his hand over Rays mouth

'When I told you that you were going to pay boy, I meant it'

James Barnett laughed evilly as he pulled back to look at the fear in his sons eyes. He was going to make him pay, after all he had killed his wife and now he had to suffer, just like James did.

Ray began to shake as he heard the words that his father had said, and, after a slight bit of courage mustered up inside him, Ray lifted his knee in between his fathers legs with a force that made James Barnett instantly let go off his son and double over in pain.

As soon as his father had released him Ray had scrambled past him and ran to the only room in the apartment with a lock on the door, the bathroom, and as soon as he had turned the lock he pushed his back up against the door and felt tears sting his eyes as he thought in his head _this can't happen again_

* * *

**Meanwhile**

In the E.R Neela was standing at the admit desk as the E.R was quite slow today. She was writing on a chart when Abby came up beside her.

'Hey Neela, so how's Ray?'

Neela turned to look at Abby and could see the concern written all over her face, and she had to try her hardest not to tell her what Ray had made her promise not to. But she knew that she could never do that to him, he had looked so broken and scarced when he had told her that she didn't think that she could live with herself if she broke his trust.

'Well you know…'

And just as Neela was about to tell her, a trauma came in and both Abby and Neela ran to the side of the gurney.

* * *

After working on the trauma for a total of three hours straight, it had been an MVA on the freeway and all of the traumas had been sent to county, both Neela and Abby where sitting in the doctors lounge drinking a cup of coffee.

'So you didn't get to answer my question earlier'

Neela set down her cup on the table and turned to Abby.

'Oh I know. Well I mean he is still sore, you know with the ribs and all…'

Abby looked at Neela, knowing that she wasn't telling her something.

'And?'

'Well he hasn't been sleeping or eating really, that's why I didn't want to leave him today, you know?'

Abby nodded her head. It was understandable, if Luka was acting like that then she wouldn't want to leave him alone either, but Luka didn't have a crazy father and Abby was thankful of that.

'Well Luka said that he would go over, a little later than expected because of the traumas, but I'm sure that he'll stop by and make sure that he's all right.'

Abby smiled at Neela and got one back in return. Neela only hoped that Ray would be alright.

* * *

**Back at the apartment**

Ray heard his father grunt and his thundering footsteps as he neared the bathroom door.

'You're going to regret that move you little shit, just you wait till I get my hands on you!'

Ray felt his father slamming against the door and dug his feet into the ground as he shoved all of his weight against the door, which wasn't a lot in his current state, as he tried to stop his father from opening the door.

* * *

Outside the bathroom James Barnett was kicking at the bathroom door, angrier than he had ever been before in his life, Ray had never hit him back before and he was going to pay for it now.

Realizing that just kicking the door wasn't going to get it to open; James stepped back and ran at the door, slamming into it with all of his weight. This caused the door to open and sent Ray flying away from the door, lying on the bathroom floor, panting at his felt his ribs burning on overtime.

Taking a few quick strides into the bathroom, James Barnett kicked the door behind him, causing it to slam shut.

Ray didn't even have anytime to register what was going on when all of a sudden he felt his fathers foot collide with his side, and he felt a cry ripped from his throat. This however was cut short when James Barnett covered his sons' mouth with his hand, and like he had done eleven years earlier, he bent down and whispered into Rays ear.

'I told you that that was a stupid thing to do, didn't I?'

Ray tried to push his father off of him, but he didn't have any strength and could only struggle when he felt his father reach around and grab at the belt of his jeans, pulling it free.

Ray closed his eyes and felt the tears running down his face as he realized what was about to happen, and how he was still ha powerless as he had been all of those years before.

James Barnett laughed as he looked at his son, crying and didn't feel one bit of remorse at what he was about to do, the kid deserved it after all didn't he?, and as he lowered himself onto Ray he smiled at the sound of the scream that ripped from his own sons throat.

Ray squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to think about what was happening, but the truth was he felt as though he was being ripped apart and as he closed his eyes wild colors danced behind his lids and he felt something rising up his throat, and suddenly he was sick on the floor.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later James Barnett got up and button up his pants, looking at his son lying broken on the floor, and just as he was about to leave he turned and said,

'Don't you dare tell anyone, or I will kill you. And I'll make sure that you're dead this time'

Ray heard the front door to the apartment slam shut and as he felt more bile rise up his throat he quickly pulled himself over to the toilet where he sat retching for the next ten minutes.

* * *

After he was sure that his stomach was empty Ray pushed himself away form the toilet and tired to stand on shaky legs, feeling the blood between them as he did, as he pulled his jeans back up, but quickly his legs buckled underneath him. Ray lay on his side and pulled his knees to his chest, covered his head with his arms and cried.

* * *

Luka had gotten Neelas key off her as she had said that since it was so late that Ray might be asleep. As he drove along the street which Ray and Neela s apartment was on he saw a man about forty years old and quite a large build run from the building which he had just pulled up in front of.

Luka got out of his car and began the walk up to the steps which led to the front door of the apartment building. As he got inside he began to walk the stairs, noticing that the lift was broke and as he neared the fifth floor, the one which their apartment was on, Luka laughed as he noticed that he was nearly out of breath, he didn't think that he had climbed them that quickly!

As Luka neared the front door he pulled the key from his pocket and as he went to place it in the lock he noticed that the door was pushed open slightly.

Wondering if anything was wrong Luka quickly pushed open the door and walked inside

'Ray, are you here?'

Not getting an answer Luka walked over to the door of Rays room and pushed the door open, and was worried when he saw that Ray was not there either. The last wrong that he could think of was the bathroom and he wondered to himself why he hadn't just thought that Ray was in here in the first place.

Walking over to the door, Luka noticed the marks on the door as if it had been kicked and wondered why one of them would have kicked the door. Putting his hand on the handle Luka turned it and when he opened it he saw Ray was sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest, his head resting on them and his arms flung over his head. He also noticed that Rays shoulders were shaking _why is he crying?_

Walking over to Ray, Luka crouched in front of him and laid and hand on his shoulder, immediately feeling his tense up.

'Ray, are you O.K?'

Not getting a response Luka felt his worry reach a new level, _had his father been here and done something? And if had had what did he do?_

Luka put his hand on Rays back and he only just heard him say in a chocked, horse voice,

'Please, don't do it again'

Lukas eyes widened with shock as he thought what Ray may have been referring to, and he looked at Ray with the most sympathy that he had ever looked at anyone.

'Ray…it's me, Luka…its O.K'

Seeing that he was getting no response Luka gently pulled Rays arm away and looked down so that he could see his face.

Suddenly Ray pulled his head up, and looked at Luka, his eyes red and face tear-stained and said,

'No it won't'

And even with only those three words, Luka watched as Ray screwed his eyes shut and broke down, and not knowing what else he could do he pulled his friend into a hug, and felt him shake with the force of his tears.

* * *

**Well I hope that I didn't disturb anyone, and please Review this chapter as I really what to see what you thought about it.**


	18. Broken

**Title: Doctor Rock (18/?)**

**Author: DockRock06  
Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to ER, they own to all the wonderful people who write the storylines which we all love so much, including the one which I got this idea from. But I do own James Barnett, and other characters to come. The police and other ones that I'm sure all you cleaver people will be able to guess  
Spoilers: Season 12, 'If Not Now'  
Content Warning: Some adult themes i.e. Rape and mentions of abuse, like hitting.**

**I want to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter and you were:**

**YOUPIN, Amythest Girl, Jemiul, Alik22, Joralie….and I also want to say thank you to everyone that has read the story so far…even if you didn't review I am still glad that you are reading!**

**Well on with the story**

* * *

**CHAPTER 18: Broken**

Half an hour later both Ray and Luka were sitting on the couch in the apartment. Luka hadn't said anything to Ray after he had practically broke down; I mean what could he say.

Luka thought about maybe leaving and giving Ray some time to himself, but he couldn't help but worry about what might happen if he left. Luka turned and looked at Ray and suddenly he remembered why he had came in the first place, Abby and Neela had asked him to check up on Ray, but what was he supposed to say to them, did he really have the right to tell them this?

'Uh…Ray?'

Luka watched as Ray turned his head sharply to look at him, well more at his cheek, Ray hadn't looked him in the eye once since he had found out what had happened.

'Yeah?' Ray said in a horse voice

'Neela and Abby asked me to come over and…well what will I say'

Ray hadn't even thought about that, the truth was the only thing he had been thinking about was how much he just wanted to go into his bed and curl up away from the world and forget about everything.

'Please, don't say anything…I…just don't'

Luka watched as Ray put his head in his hands and blew out a breath. He didn't have a clue what to do.

'I won't…but I mean I don't want to sound pushy…what about Neela?'

Luka had no doubt in his head that Neela would notice that Ray would be acting strange, and he was sure that Ray wouldn't be back to work for longer now, I mean who knew how something like that affected you?

Ray lifted his head from his hands slowly and Luka noticed that he was staring over his shoulder, avoiding his eyes again.

'I can't tell her…she'll…I mean you wouldn't have found out if you hadn't…it's just'

Ray sighed and rested his head back against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling.

Luka couldn't believe what Ray had just said, he was going to go around with that burden on his shoulders and not tell anyone? Surely that couldn't be good for your head, knowing that you had such a big secret?

Ray turned his face to look at Luka and added,

'You don't have to stay, I'm sure Abby will wonder where you are'

Luka didn't want to leave, but he knew that he had to give Ray some space. He decided in his head that he would call back in a few hours and make sure that everything was Okay, Abby wasn't going to be home until after eleven and it was only four in the afternoon so he knew that he wouldn't have to make up any excuses to her.

'Yeah'

Luka stood up and at the same time so did Ray, and Luka noticed that he winced and wrapped his arms around his ribs, no doubt he had gotten hit there.

Luka turned to Ray before he left and said,

'Listen Ray if you need anything you just call me, Okay'

Ray nodded his head as an answer. Feeling awkward at leaving after what had just happened Luka pulled Ray into a quick hug and then left closing the door quietly behind him.

* * *

As soon as Ray saw the door shut he walked straight into the bathroom and turned on the shower, putting the water on as hot as he knew he could handle without ending up with 1st degree burns. He had wanted to watch all of what had happened to him away since his father and left but he knew that he couldn't push Luka out, he was only being a friend and trying to help, and the truth was Ray was glad that this time he had someone there to help him.

Ray stepped into the shower and felt the hot water raining down on him, easing his burning ribs and as he thought about what had happened for the first time he slid down the wall of the shower cubicle, covered his head with his hands and let the tears out.

* * *

Half an hour later Ray got out of the shower, feeling no different than he had when he had gotten in. The only reason he had gotten out now was because the water had been running freezing cold for the past five minutes and Ray hadn't noticed. Until now that was, he thought as he stood shivering.

After quickly drying off Ray made his way to his room. When he got in he quickly got changed into a pair of sweat pants, a t-shirt and a hoody. Looking over at the clock on his bedside table he noticed that it was five O' Clock and that Neela would be home at ten.

Suddenly feeling very tired and drained Ray got into bed and as soon as his head hit the pillow he felt his eyelids falling shut.

* * *

Sitting in his apartment Luka was still trying to get his head around what had just happened. He was sitting at the table drinking his coffee when his mind flashed back to the man who he had seen leave the apartment building just before he had went up.

'It couldn't have been?' Luka remembered back to the man, he had been a large monstrous looking man, and he had been running from the building.

Luka sighed and tried not to think about it too much, it was giving him a headache. He glanced down at his watch and noticed that it was nearly nine thirty and he decided that now was probably the best time for him to go check on Ray.

* * *

Ray woke up with a start to the sound of a door opening and closing. Looking over at his clock to see what time it was he noticed that it was only going on for a quarter to eleven. He knew that Neela wasn't off until two and felt his stomach beginning to churn, what if his father was back? What if he knew that Luka knew what had happened and was angry?

Getting up off the bed Ray began to slowly make his way to his bedroom door. Putting his had on the doorknob he slowly turned it, worried about who he would find standing on the other side of the door.

Pushing it open fully Ray felt relief and then confusion rush through him as he saw Luka standing in the living room.

'Luka, what are you doing here?'

Ray walked out and looked at the taller man, why had he come back after such a short space of time? Was something wrong?

'Oh Ray…I was just checking to make sure that you were O.K'

Luka cursed himself for what he had just said when he say Ray look down at the floor and nod his head at him. Of course he wasn't O.K! I mean who would be?

'I mean…do you want a drink or anything?'

Luka felt awkward as he waited for some sort of response from Ray. He watched as Ray ran a shaky hand through his hair and walked over to sit on the couch.

'If the anything means that you can fix problems, I'll take one of that' Ray sat with his head down looking at his feet.

Luka sat on the couch beside Ray, and put his hand on his shoulder to try and get him to look at him. He knew now that Ray was trying to hide how he felt behind jokes, and he also knew that this was not the best thing to do.

'You know that none of this was your fault…no matter what your father said'

Ray turned his head the other way as he felt tears in his eyes,

'He thinks other wise'

Ray quickly swiped his hand across his eyes as he felt a tear fall down his cheek, but more just fell as the realization came to him that his father was never going to leave him alone, was this going to be the rest of his life till his father eventually passed?

Luka watched as Ray tried to hide the fact that he was crying by keeping his head turned and wiping at his eyes. Luka gave Ray a small squeeze on his shoulder, silently telling him that it was O.K for him to feel the way that he did.

Ray gave up trying to hold back the tears and held his head in his hands as he felt the sobs wrack his body and the hand on his back trying to reassure him that everything would be O.K.

This was the second time that night within the space of only a few hours that Luka had witnessed Ray break down, and the truth was it scared him. He had never thought that he would see the day that Ray Barnett would cry.

Luka shot his heard towards the door when he heard a key turning in the lock. Turing his attention back to Ray, Luka seen that he had obviously not noticed the sound of the key in the lock as he had not looked to the door and was still sobbing.

'Hey Ray I'm…'

Neela's sentence was cut short when she took in the scene in her living room. Walking closer she looked Luka in the eyes she saw the look which was staring back at her she could only utter one word,

'No'

Taking this as his cue to leave Luka quickly got up off the sofa and left the apartment, shutting the door quietly behind him as had done the first time. He knew that Neela and Ray were best friends and that if Ray was going to open up to anyone then it would be her.

Neela quickly walked over and pulled Ray to her, holding him as she rubbed her hand up and down his back saying 'Shhh' and 'it's O.K now'. The truth was, she didn't know if it was going to be O.K.

Neela felt Ray relax in her arms, but also noticed that he was still crying, and she didn't care because he needn't someone at that minute and she was his best friend, if she didn't help him through this then what type of friend was she?

'Neela he came…and I tried, but…'

Neela ran her hand through Ray's hair as she said,

'You don't have to tell me Ray, its O.K now but, I'm here'

After ten minutes Neela noticed that Ray had stopped crying but he was still holding on to her as if she was the only thing in the world and as if she was the one thing that would make everything alright.

Reluctantly pulling back from Ray Neela noticed his tear stained face and swiped her thumb across his cheek to wipe away the tears that were still there. She also noticed that he was looking down at his hand and she tilted his chin to look at her, and noticed that he was looking at her with the same sad eyes that he had done a few weeks ago, only this time she knew why he was looking at her like that.

Standing up Neela took Rays hand and pulled him up too and began to walk towards her own room and she said,

'You'll stay with me tonight and then tomorrow…we'll talk about that in the morning. For now you just need to sleep'

Neela walked into her room and lay down on the bed with Ray beside her. She pulled him to her as she lay on her back and he lay on his side, his head resting on her shoulder and his arm slung over her waist. Pulling the blanket up around them both Neela began to draw lazy circles on Rays back and felt his breathing grow steady as he fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning Neela woke up early, she hadn't been able to sleep last night, images of what had happened to Ray running through her head and haunting her. She looked down at Ray when she felt him tighten his arm around her waist before he quickly let his arm relax to the way it had been when he had first fallen asleep.

Neela couldn't help the feeling of guilt which was inside her; if only she had stayed in the apartment yesterday then none of this would have happened. But after lying thinking about that thought for a while she realized that no matter when she would have went back to work the Rays father would probably have done the same thing anyway, and that thought just sickened her to her stomach.

Glancing at her clock Neela say that it was going on for eight and decided that she should probably get up and phone Luka to tell him that she didn't want to come into work today, and by the look on his face last night Neela was pretty sure that Luka would have probably told her to stay off anyway.

Slipping out from under Rays arm Neela lay his head on the pillow and pulled the blanket up so that it was now tucked just beneath his chin. She couldn't help but think how vulnerable he looked lying there, the look of worry still on his face even in his sleep. Neela didn't think but just leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek before she quietly made her way out of the bedroom and into the living room to phone Luka.

* * *

After she had phoned Luka Neela was standing in the kitchen making a pot of coffee when she heard her bedroom door open and turned around to find a still half asleep Ray Barnett.

Ray looked up and saw Neela looking at him with a small sympathetic smile on her face and he returned this by giving her a small smile back as he walked over and sat on the couch.

Ray lay his head back and stared up at the ceiling and running his hand threw his disheveled hair which was sticking up at all angles he closed his eyes; still feeling tired as he had not slept undisturbed at all last night. Every time he would fall asleep he would remember what had happened and that would cause him to wake up again. He didn't think that he had slept for more than fifteen minutes at a time.

Neela walked out of the kitchen and saw Ray sitting on the couch with his eyes closed and noticed how he looked completely shattered. Walking over she sat next to him on the couch and noticed that he turned to look at her, but was looking just below her eyes as if he was embarrassed or ashamed of what he might see if he looked in them.

Neela reached over to brush away an eyelash that she saw was lying on his cheek but was startled when he pulled away from her and stood up quickly saying,

'I think I'm going to have a shower'

And with that Ray quickly went to his bedroom to get some clothes and then walked just as quickly to the bathroom and shut the door.

* * *

Neela was standing in the kitchen making herself and Ray some breakfast, even if she didn't know if he wanted any. That was when she realized that Ray had been in the shower for over thirty minutes and she knew that he had showered last night just before she came home as well because his hair had still been a bit damp whenever they had went to bed.

Setting down the spoon that she had been using to whisk the eggs Neela walked over to the bathroom door and just as she was about to knock on the door it was opened from the other side by Ray, who looked equally as surprised as her.

'I was coming to tell you that breakfast is ready'

Neela noticed that Rays eyes were red as if he had been crying and this only made her feel worse that he wasn't letting her help him.

'Thanks but I'm not hungry…I think that I might just go lie down'

Neela just nodded her head O.K and moved to let Ray past to his room and as he closed the door she knew that she had to give him some time before he would be ready to talk to her.

* * *

**A/N: Well I hoped that you all liked this L O N G update! Please review and the next just might be as long! **


	19. It gets worse before it gets better

**Title: Doctor Rock (19/?)**

**Author: DockRock06  
Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to ER, they own to all the wonderful people who write the storylines which we all love so much, including the one which I got this idea from. But I do own James Barnett, and other characters to come. The police and other ones that I'm sure all you cleaver people will be able to guess  
Spoilers: Season 12, 'If Not Now'  
Content Warning: Some adult themes i.e. Rape and mentions of abuse, like hitting.**

**I want to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter they were all greatly appreciated!**

**I also want to say that I know that the timeline of my story was REALLY off, but I hope that you all got that idea that Neela came home early, unexpected.**

**Well on with the story**

* * *

**CHAPTER 19: Its gets worse before it gets better**

Neela turned and walked back to the kitchen, she was worried about Ray and just wanted him to talk to her. Sitting down at the kitchen table she began to read the newspaper from yesterday, but she wasn't really taking any of it in as her thoughts kept running back to Ray, and standing up she decided that he needed to talk to someone, and she wanted to be the one to help.

Walking over to his room Neela didn't bother to knock, taking it that Ray was maybe just lying down, and so she just opened the door, and what she saw before her shocked her.

Ray had his t-shirt pulled up and was looking at what looked like a rather painful cut that went right across his left hipbone, and it looked very recent, because the blood was still shinnying.

Ray quickly shot his head up when he heard the door open and pushed his t-shirt back down.

'Neela! What are you doing?'

She didn't answer, but instead walked over and lifted his shirt back up, and now she could see that there was another cut mirroring the new one, only this one didn't look as recent, maybe a week or two old.

'Ray…why did you do this'

Neela traced her finger lightly over the cut and was shocked when Ray pushed her hand away and walked away from her over to the window.

Neela noticed the tightening in his jaw as he looked out at the early morning street and gave her a slight shrug before saying,

'It helped'

Neela walked over behind Ray and placed a hand on his shoulder, and she felt him tense up beneath her touch,

'How Ray, it's hurting you? Neela didn't say it in a mocking manner or in a chiding tone, but she said it with concern and sympathy.

Ray felt the tears burn in the back of his eyes, but he was determined that he wouldn't cry again, the truth was he wasn't sure if he had any tears left.

'I…it's the only thing that I have control over'

Ray turned to look at Neela with sad eyes, and Neela watched the tears pool at the bottom of his eyes and she reached her hand up to gently touch his cheek as she said,

'But Ray, you do have control over other things' Neela said it to Ray, hoping to sound convincing and hopefully talk some sense into him, because the truth was she was scared for him now, and scared of what he might do.

Ray let out a humorless laugh as pushed himself away from the window and began to walk over to his bed where he sat on the end, staring at the wall as he spoke.

'Yeah like what Neela'

Neela walked over and sat beside Ray, looking at him from the side as he faced the wall. She lifted his hand in hers and used her hand to gently turn his face towards hers,

'You have the control to stop this…and you have friends who want to help you'

Ray sat staring at Neela, wondering what she meant, how could he possibly stop this, he didn't know what to do, did he?

'I do?' Ray replied, his voice so quiet that Neela was certain that if she hadn't been listening so intently that she would have surely missed his response.

'Yes Ray…and its going to be hard but I promise you that in the end, it'll be worth it'

Neela smiled at Ray, sure that she had gotten through to him, but was shocked when he quickly jumped from the bed to stand,

'NO!' Ray had shouted the word so high that it had caused his voice to crack, 'I know what your thinking Neela and I can't…I can't go to the police, he'll kill me!'

Ray began to pace around the room only to be stopped by Neela jumping in front off him and grabbing his by his arms,

'Ray! What's the problem with telling the police, they'll help you'

Ray tried to pull his arms free of Neela grip, but found that he couldn't even though she wasn't holding his that tight, he had lost a lot of strength over the past few weeks, and that coupled with the fact that he felt as though he was about ready to collapse didn't help any

'Don't you get it, they can't help Neela, there's nothing to prove he did it, and even if there was he would find a way around it like he always does'

Neela let go of Rays arms and took him by the hand and led him out to the couch where Neela kneeled in front of Ray, holding his hands in her own, she knew that what she was about to say was going to sound harsh, but she was beginning to think that maybe that was the only way to get through to him and get him to get some help.

'Listen Ray, if you don't get help then just think what the next few years are going to be like…your Dad showing up to beat the shit out of you, and do this…yeah cos I can see why that is so appealing Ray'

As Neela spoke she watched as the pool of tears grew until they fell over the edge and Ray pulled his hands away and buried his face in them sobbing, he didn't want that to be his life for God knows how many years until his father died or left.

Neela hated what she had just done, and as she wrapped her arms around Ray she heard him say into her shoulder,

'I don't want to live like that'

Neela gently ran her hand over Ray back and when he pulled back to look at her she wiped the tears off his face and leaned over and kissed him, which shocked them both

_Where did that just come from?_

Neela pulled back to see a very shocked looking Ray sitting in front of her and she took his hand in hers before saying,

'And you also have me to help you through all of this'

* * *

Luka was standing at admit when Abby came up to him, and said,

'I know what happened'

Luka turned to look at Abby with a shocked expression, how did she know? Had Neela told her?

Not thinking that the admit desk was the best place to be discussing this Luka grabbed Abby's hand and led her down the hall to one of the exam rooms that didn't get used.

In reality Abby had no idea what had happened, she just knew that something was wrong because when Luka had came home he had been acting strangely and had barely said two words about what had happened at Rays, and now that she seen the worried expression on Lukas face she too was worried, what _had _happened?

'I know that you're probably as upset as I am over what Rays father did, but I don't think that it is the best thing to go broadcasting over the entire E.R that his father rape-'

Luka was cut off mid-sentence by Abby, who was standing with her eyes opened wide,

'His father did what, oh my God is he O.K, and I think that I should go over tonight'

Luka grabbed Abby by the shoulders to stop her ranting,

'You didn't know? Abby you said you knew'

Abby felt tears fill her eyes, and she shook her head 'no' at Luka

'I didn't think that anyone would do that to their child, I mean…how is Ray?'

Luka walked over and sat on one of the gurneys and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck as Abby came to stand in front of him.

'Well, as expected…he's in pieces and the worst thing his I don't think that this is the first time that this has happened'

Abby couldn't believe what she was hearing; no wonder Ray was so afraid of his father.

'I think that you know what you have to do Luka'

Luka looked at Abby with a confused look on his face, what was he supposed to do?

'I think that you need to tell Weaver, she can give him the time off that he needs'

Lukas mind wandered back to when Ray had practically pleaded with him not to tell anyone, and now he was expected to tell Weaver after he had just told Abby. But the truth was he knew that Abby was right, if Kerry gave Ray the time off then no one would question it.

Standing up Luka nodded his head yes to Abby before he headed to the elevator to do what he thought was right.

* * *

Ray was laying on the couch with his head in Neela lap as she combed her hands through his hair and they watched an old film which was on the T.V. Feeling his eyes drifting shut Ray tried to stay awake but after only a few minutes at his attempt to keep himself awake, Ray finally succumbed.

Glancing down Neela noticed that Ray had fallen asleep and grabbing the blanket that lay on the back of the couch she threw it over him after she saw him give a slight shiver, and Neela wasn't sure if it was from the cold or not.

Glancing at the clock Neela noticed that it was going on for eight O' Clock and as she felt her stomach grumble she decided that maybe it was time to get something to eat. Knowing that she and Ray always got the same thing from the Chinese restaurant which they ordered out of Neela decided that she would let Ray sleep on and she would just go ahead and order. She also knew that Ray hadn't been eating and so maybe just ordering him something and making him eat it was the best way to get him to eat.

Sliding out from under Ray, Neela gently placed his head on a pillow and watched as he fidgeted and turned over on his side, pulling the pillowing which he had been holding to his chest and holding onto it as though it were a teddy bear. The thought brought a small smile to Neela face.

As she walked over to the set of drawers which held all of the take-out menus on them Neela heard someone gently rapping the door, and glancing at Ray to see that he was still asleep, she walked over and look through the peep hole, and was shocked to see Abby standing there.

Opening the door Neela moved aside to let Abby in and held a finger to her lips while saying 'Shh' as she nodded her head in Ray's direction. Abby nodded her head and then pulled Neela over to her and whispered,

'I know what happened Neela'

Neela stepped back to look Abby in the face and recognized the sympathy which was in her eyes, no doubt hers mirrored that same looked.

'Did Luka tell you?'

Abby nodded her head, and quietly told Neela how she had pretended to Luka to know what was going on,

'And so he went and told Kerry, I haven't seen him all day though, he got called away to a meeting which all of the heads of departments so I don't know what she said'

Just as Neela opened her mouth to speak she saw Ray out of the corner of her eye as he sat up and rubbed at the back of his neck, and before Neela could tell Abby that Ray hadn't wanted anyone to know she had already practically sprinted over to the couch where she sat down and pulled Ray into a hug.

'I'm so sorry Ray, I wish that-'

Abby was cut off by Ray pulling back from her and looking at her a confused face.

'About the other night, your father…'

Abby didn't know what else to say as she saw Ray looked into her eyes as he said in a quiet voice,

'He told you?'

Abby then realized that Luka hadn't told her because it now seemed obvious that Ray hadn't wanted anyone to know, and she couldn't help but feel stupid for what she had just done when she saw the hurt and ashamed look in his eyes

'Well yes honey…but he didn't mean too' Abby then realized what a big mistake it was sending Luka to Kerry, when Ray found out he she was afraid of how he would react.

Neela walked over and sat on the coffee table, she didn't like looking in on the sidelines, Ray was her best friend and she loved him, she didn't want him to have to sit through that on his own.

Abby turned her face to look at Neela, her eyes telling her that there was more to be said, and it wasn't good news either.

'Ray...um...there's something else…Luka wanted to make sure that you had leave to get better…but he had…he had to tell Kerry'

Abby closed her eyes waiting for Ray to shout and scream but opened them when she heard him laughing and was now confused, and looking over at Neela she saw that she was confused as well.

Abby watched as Ray pushed himself off the couch and began to shake his head before he said,

'Why didn't you just write it on a post-it note and stick it to the bloody walls, 'Rays fucked up'…I mean'

As Ray turned and walked to his room, slamming the door behind him, Abby went to stand to go after him but was stopped when Neela grabbed her by the arm,

'Leave him Abby…I think that you should go and let me talk to him'

Neela looked at Abby with sympathy in her eyes, she knew that Abby hadn't meant to upset Ray, but she also knew that Abby didn't know him like she did and she knew that she could get him to talk to her.

* * *

As soon as Abby left Neela went to Rays door and when she opened it she saw that he was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest and his head resting on his knees. She could also tell that he was crying by the way his shoulders where shaking.

Walking over Neela sat down on the bed and put on hand on his back, rubbing circles on it as she said,

'Ray, nobody thinks you're 'Fucked up', they just want to help you'

Lifting his head off his knees Ray turned to look at Neela, and wiped the back of his hand across his eyes,

'I feel so stupid' Ray sighed and closed his eyes as he felt Neelas hand on his back

'Why do you feel stupid? You have nothing to feel stupid about' Neela stopped rubbing circles on his back and pulled him over to her so that his head was resting on her shoulder,

'Because…I just yelled at Abby for no reason'

Ray lifted his head to look at Neela and she brushed his hair out of his face as she said,

'It wasn't no reason, Abby knows that. You're upset and have had a really hectic past few days…nobody blames you'

Neela waited to see what Ray was going to say back, and getting no response she looked down and say that he had fallen asleep.

Laying his head on the pillow Neela lay down beside him and covered them both with the blanket, and as she lay there she just kept thinking,

_I will help him through this_

* * *

**Hope that you liked it! Please review…I want to make it to at least 50 before this story is over! And lucky number 50 will get cookies!**


	20. An end to this nightmare?

**Title: Doctor Rock (20/20)**

**Author: DockRock06  
Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to ER, they own to all the wonderful people who write the storylines which we all love so much, including the one which I got this idea from. But I do own James Barnett, and other characters to come. The police and other ones that I'm sure all you cleaver people will be able to guess  
Spoilers: Season 12, 'If Not Now'  
Content Warning: Some adult themes i.e. Rape and mentions of abuse, like hitting. **

**In this chapter I am having it where Kerry already got her operation and has no crutch. For reasons that you will see later on.**

**Sorry for not updating sooner! Well I am sorry to say that this will be the last chapter, but don't worry because there is a big twist in the tale! And it will also be very long! I also want to thank everyone who has read and reviewed my story along the way! **

**Well now for the last time I say 'on with the story'**

* * *

**CHAPTER 20: An end to this nightmare?**

****

Ray woke the next morning to the sound of Neelas' heartbeat beneath his ear. Ray sighed as he thought about what had happened the night before, he had lost it and he wanted to apologize to Abby, even though Neela told him that it was alright he still wanted to, he didn't want to be like that, losing his temper over things that weren't as bad as he was making them out to be, that would mean that he was like his father and he didn't want that.

Sensing that Ray was awake, Neela moved her hand to his back where she began rubbing gentle circles on it as she said,

'Go back to sleep Ray, stop thinking about last night' Neela smiled when she saw Ray sit up in bed to look at her with a small grin in his face.

'How…' Ray smiled back at Neela, how did she always know what he was thinking? It was as if she knew everything about him and now that he came to think about it Ray realized just how close of friends he had become with Neela. He didn't think that he liked her only as a friend anymore, and after the kiss last night he was almost certain that she felt the same way.

Neela sat up and ran her hand through Rays messy hair before she lightly kissed him and said

'Well Ray, I know you inside out, of course I know what you're thinking' Neela swung her legs to the side of the bed and stretched before getting up and heading to the bedroom door, and she turned back when she noticed that Ray hadn't gotten up yet but was looking after her in astonishment.

'Come on lazy, we are going to get breakfast and then go to county.'

Neela walked out into the kitchen and began making coffee and pulling out bowls for cereal, as Ray followed behind her, stretching as he went.

As they ate their cereal Ray and Neela sat in a comfortable silence, neither knowing what to say. After a few minutes Ray broke the silence by saying in a quiet voice,

'Thank you' Neela looked straight into his hazel eyes and could see the honesty and the sincerity in them and she reached across the table and picked his hand up in hers,

' You know that I would always look out for you'

* * *

After his breakfast Ray went and got a quick shower and got changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He knew that he wasn't going to county to work today, so he didn't have to hold back on his more casual clothes. He was in fact going in so that he could talk with Kerry, something which she had requested. Neela had offered to go along with Ray, but he knew that he had to do this on his own.

Ray threw all of his wet towels in the hamper and then left the bathroom for Neela. Walking into the living room Ray let out a small laugh as he saw Neela dart to the bathroom with her arms full of clothes and towels. Sitting down on the couch Ray let his mind unweave and he couldn't help but fell the knot of nerves in his stomach at having to face Kerry Weaver. He didn't blame Abby for making Luka tell Kerry, but he did wish that she didn't have to find out.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Neela emerged from the bathroom fully dressed and as she rounded the couch to stand in front of Ray she noticed that he was staring off into space.

'Ray…Ray' Neela clicked her fingers in front of Ray, which seemed to snap him out of whatever daydream he had been in because he looked at her with a shocked expression before blushing slightly at the fact that he had been caught zoned out.

'So are you ready then?' Ray nodded to Neela and within minutes both of them had their coats on and where out the door to make the long walk to the EL.

* * *

Thirty minutes after they had left their apartment Neela and Ray where both making their way through the doors of the busy E.R.

'Ray man! Good to see you back' Ray didn't even have a chance to answer before he felt Pratt giving him a hard pat on the back before walking off down the hall to go to see to another patient.

Neela looked at Ray and noticed that he looked as if he was a bit nervous and wasn't the least bit shocked that he was. Taking his hand she walked into the doctors lounge where she closed the door behind her and locked it after making sure that it was in fact empty, and then turning to Ray, still holding his hand in her own, she said quietly,

'You do know that if you want me to come I will' Neela really did want to come; she wanted to be there for Ray like he had always been there for her.

'What, no, it's fine really. I mean the ER looks hectic anyway. But thank you' Ray gave Neela a soft smile as if to tell her that he did appreciate everything that she had done, but he had to do this one thing on his own.

Nodding her head in compliance Neela pulled Ray into a hug before she left the lounge and went to start her shift. Glancing at his watch Ray noticed that it was getting closer to the time that Kerry had said to meet him, and so he decided that he would head on up. Walking out of the lounge Ray made his way over to the elevator and pushed to button which would take him to the floor where Kerry Weavers office was.

The wait in the lift seemed like hours for Ray, when in reality it was only a couple of minutes. Hearing the 'ping' which signaled that the lift had reached it destined floor Ray was dragged back to reality and walked down the hall to the desk where Kerry's own personal receptionist sat.

'Ah...hi I'm Ray Barnett, I have a meeting' Ray smiled at the woman behind the counter. She was in her mid-forties and had a warm smile. The woman scanned her eyes down the computer before she found what she was looking for and then said to Ray, in what sounded like a New York accent, but he couldn't be quite sure,

'Go ahead, she's waiting for you' Ray smiled at the woman before he walked over to the door and knocked it, before hearing the familiar voice telling him to come in, and then he pushed the door open to see a aggravated Kerry Weaver. He was shocked however when he saw that he face softened whenever she saw that it was him, and she actually smiled at him.

'Take a seat Ray'. Kerry Weaver motioned to one of the large chairs that where sitting in front of her table. Walking over Ray sat down and tried to calm the nauseous feeling that he was getting in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't that he didn't like Kerry, because he did but he wouldn't admit that to anyone else. He knew that she was only ever giving him a hard time because she wanted him to do his best, and sometimes he was glad that she did.

'I know that you probably don't really want to be here Ray, but I just want you to know that you do have friends that care a lot about you'

Ray sat looking down at his hands in his lap, and he noticed that they were shaking slightly. He did know that he had friends, but he also knew that his father would do anything to hurt anyone who he cared about, and that was one of the reasons that he had not wanted them to be too involved.

Kerry walked round to the front of her table and came to stand in front of Ray, and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder she said,

'Look I know you Ray and I also know that you probably just want to carry on like none of this ever happened, but you can't because it isn't healthy. I think that maybe you should talk to one of the councilors in the hospital, get this thing off your chest'

Ray eventually lifted his gaze to look at Kerry, but it quickly returned to his hands again when he noticed that she was giving him the same pitying look that everybody else had.

'I'm fine, I don't need to talk to anybody' Ray told her in a somewhat shaky voice, feeling his emotions beginning to rise to the surface again, but he was determined not to let them. Ray knew that she wouldn't believe that, because the truth was, he wasn't even sure if he believed it himself. _Would he be O.K?_

Crouching in front of Ray, Kerry took one of his hands in her own, and even she felt that it was shaking slightly. Putting her hand on his face to make him look at her she said,

'Ray you're not and you _won't_ be unless you talk about it. I mean you can't even look me in the eye whenever you're talking to me'

Ray felt the lump in his throat and the tears beginning to well up in his eyes and lifted his face to look at Kerry he said quietly,

'But I can't talk about it' Ray knew that what he was saying probably sounded dumb and childish to her, but to him it was the truth. He couldn't stand to think about it, let alone tell anyone what had happened.

Kerry got up from her crouched position on the floor and sat on the seat beside Ray,

'Ray Luka told me all about your father, I think that maybe it would be best if you did talk to someone. Stop this before it gets any worse'

Ray let out a humorless laugh before he said, 'It can get worse?'

Kerry didn't know what to say to that. She felt saddened by the fact that Ray didn't seem to want any help. She had grown to like him a while after he had started at county and she always knew that he didn't have a good family and that was why he didn't ever talk about them. But she wasn't expecting that Luka had came and told her the two days ago. She just wanted Ray to get some help.

Just as she was about to say something the phone in Kerry's office rang, causing both to jump. Lifting it up Ray watched as Kerry's face went from that of anger to shock. Placing the phone down Kerry came to stand in front of Ray and the look on her face began to worry him, _what was wrong? _

'Ray sweetie, I need for you to listen for a second O.K. And don't worry because it'll be fine'

Ray felt his heart beginning to pound in his chest, what was wrong that had made Kerry's demeanor change so quickly and why was she being _overly_ nice?

'What's wrong?' Ray looked at Kerry with pleading eyes.

'Ray that was Luka on the phone. He said that your father was just brought into the ER' Kerry watched as all of the color drained from Rays face.

'What…why was he brought in?' Ray felt the bile begin to rise up his throat, but pushed the feeling down; he had to know why his father was here.

'He had a massive heart attack, and they need you to go down and sign papers because he might need surgery and you are listed as his next of kin' Kerry had been shocked at the news, after what his father had done to him, he still expected him to look after him if he ever needed help.

Ray slowly stood up and ran a hand through his hair before he said,

'I guess I should go then' Ray said it as more of a question, he wanted Kerry to tell him to stay because he truth he wanted his father to suffer like he had made him suffer, but he knew that she would tell him to go because in truth he had to.

Kerry nodded her head and watched as Ray walked to the door and closed it behind him. She was now more worried than she had been whenever he had come in, who knew what this was going to do to his head.

* * *

When Ray stepped out of the elevator to the ER he was surprised when he saw that Luka was standing there, obviously waiting on him.

'Listen Ray, you don't have to go in if you don't want to, I would understand' Luka looked down at the younger man before him, knowing that he shouldn't have to be making decisions like this for a man like that.

'No, its fine. Which room is he in?'

Luka put his hand on Rays back and began to led him to exam two, Ray wandered why his father wasn't in a trauma room, not that he really cared.

'He is waiting to go up to surgery, but only if he stays stable long enough and you consent to it…and you don't have to' Luka watched as Ray nodded at him and both men walked through the door.

Ray was shocked at what he saw. He father was lying on the bed covered in a mass of wires and tubes; he was also hooked up to a heart monitor and was on an oxygen mask.

Ray stopped where he was as images began to race through his head, not only of the previous weeks, but of all of the times when he was growing up and all of the awful things that his father had done not only to him, but to his mother as well.

Luka watched as the last nurse left and closed the door behind her, leaving only him, Ray and James Barnett in the room. Luka turned his head to look at Ray and noticed that he had went pale and grabbed his by the shoulders when he saw him push the palm of his hand to his head as if he was in pain, before he stumbled slightly.

'Whoa, are you O.K…maybe you should sit down'

Luka pushed Ray back to that he was sitting on the edge on one of the gurneys and keeping one hand on his shoulder he put his fingers to his neck and felt that his pulse was racing.

Ray let his hand drop from his head to his side and looked up at Luka, and he could see the worry that was etched all over the older mans face.

'What was all that about?' asked Luka who was staring into Rays eyes.

'I don't know…I just saw all of these, like flashbacks' Ray looked up at Luka, expecting to see him looking at him as if he was crazy, but instead Luka just said,

'Well that would explain why your pulse was racing.' Luka let go of Rays shoulder and instead put his arm around his bicep pulling him to his feet and began to pull him towards the door.

'I don't think that this was a good idea, maybe you should just wait in the family room'

Ray pushed Luka hand off of his arm, but not in a forceful way, and said,

'I can walk you know' Ray give Luka a small smirk, trying to cover up the fact that he hated the way Luka treated him since the other night. He was getting tired of the fact that Luka was treating him as if he was only a child and not a 27 year old man.

Luka was about to say something when Haleh opened the door to the exam room, and after looking at Ray with a surprised look on her face she said,

'Luka, the labs for the kid in exam three are back'

Luka quickly took the sheet of paper from the nurse and nodded at Ray, telling him that he would come and find him when he was done. When Luka had left, just before Ray went to follow him out he felt a hand on his arm and turned to look into the eyes of Haleh who said to him,

'It's nice to see you again sweetie, we were all worried about you', before she too left in the same direction as Luka.

When both parties had left, Ray turned his head and looked at his father once more before he headed out the door and in the direction of the family room. Luka had told him to go there, and he also knew that it was probably one of the quieter areas of the hospital for him to think, so Ray walked down the hall until he came to the heavy, large door.

Walking inside Ray walked over and sat on the sofa, putting his head in his hands as he felt more images rush into his mind.

Ray felt bile rising up his throat as the image of his mother lying against the steering wheel, covered in blood flashed in front of his eyes. And not being able to hold back the feeling of nausea any longer Ray leapt from his seated position on the couch and ran to the nearest bathroom.

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Slamming the door to the stall shut Ray fell to his knees and began to be violently sick. After 10 minutes, when Ray was sure that his stomach was empty Ray flushed the toilet and locked the door to the stall. Still sitting on the ground, with his knees now pulled up to his chest, Ray covered his head with his arms and felt the sobs which he had been trying to fight all day wrack his body.

After about 10 minutes Ray got up and left the stall. After rinsing his mouth with water he made his way back to the family room, where he found Luka, and another Doctor who he didn't really recognize waiting there.

'Oh, there you are Ray. This is Peter Benton and his going to talk to you about the surgery' Luka kept his eyes on Ray and he watched his take a sit after shaking hands with Peter.

Peter Benton knew that he recognized the kid when he walked in, but he couldn't quite seem to place it, he was getting forgetful in his old age…not that he considered himself to be _that_ old at 44.

Glancing down to the sheet in his hand, Peter looked at the name and then instantly knew who this kid was. It was the doctor who was brought in the other day. He couldn't help but feel sorry for Ray, all of this happening to him in just a few days. First he got mugged and now his father might die.

'Well Ray, I'm sure that you know that we always try to do what is in the interests of the patient and the patient's family' Ray nodded; he didn't know what to say.

'Well, looking at your father's injuries, and the fact that he _has _stayed stable over the past hour, I think that we may be able to go ahead with the surgery…if that's what you want'

Ray sat, and for the first time since he had been told that his father had been brought into the E.R, he really thought about what he was going to do. Should he consent for the surgery? Should he not? Ray didn't know what to do, and he didn't want to have to live with it for the rest of his life if he did something drastic just because it was the easy way out.

Starting in a somewhat shaky voice Ray said, 'If he does get the surgery, what are his chances, really' Ray looked Benton in the eyes with the, just tell me the truth, look, hoping that maybe the answer would make his decision for him.

'Well, to be honest, I think that it is a 40/60 chance that he will survive, but I really think that you should take some time and think it over.' Standing Peter looked at Luka before he turned his attention back to Ray and said, 'I'll be back in about 15 minutes, after that I don't think that he really has a chance, the percentage of recovery will be much lower'

When Peter had left Ray turned his head to look at Luka before he said,

'What do you think I should do?' Luka felt sorry for Ray, the look of anguish on his face and the fact that so much had happened over only a few weeks, but Luka knew that he couldn't tell Ray what to do; he had to let him do this on his own, but he could advise him in a professional way and let him make his decision from that.

'Ray, you know I can't tell you what to do. But in my professional opinion, I think that the surgery might be more risky'

Luka watched as Ray thought about it before he slowly nodded his head and said quietly, so quiet that Luka had to actually lean in to hear him,

'I guess that's a 'No' to surgery then' Ray breathed in a deep breath and give Luka a small smile, even though he hated his father, and he really did hate him and knew that he would never forgive him for what he had done to him and his mother, Ray couldn't help but feel glad at the fact that everything was finally going to be over.

Ray stood to get up but was stopped by Lukas hand on his arm,

'I'll go and tell him. You stay here and try and get some rest, you look beat'

Ray sat back down in the chair, and scrubbed at his face with his hands. Leaning his head back against the chair Ray felt his eyes begin to grow heavy, but shot them open when he heard the door to the room open again, and he was shocked when he saw that it was Kerry.

Kerry walked over and sat down beside Ray, and looked him straight in the eyes as she said,

'We never did get to finish our talk' she watched as Ray blew out a breath before he said,

'Well, it doesn't even matter now, because it'll all be over in a few hours and I wont have to worry'

Kerry knew that this wasn't true, but seeing how tired he was, she didn't want to argue with him. She walk talk to Neela after and try and get her to make Ray open up to her, maybe then he would turn back to the 'Dock Rock', that they all knew and loved.

* * *

**_EIGHT HOURS LATER _**

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Ray was sitting in the chair beside the bed that his father _had _been occupying. Sighing he ran a hand threw his now messed up hair and looked up at the door as he saw Neela walk in, changed in to her own clothes now that her shift was over.

James Barnett had only died a few hours prior, but Ray knew that he couldn't go home yet. He had to at _least_ pretend to the other members of staff that he was upset by the fact that his father had passed away. He had hated having to sit there and listen to everyone telling him how sorry they were, because he knew that he wasn't.

Neela walked over and put her hands on Ray shoulders and felt him relax against her, leaning his head against her chest and he blew out a breath he didn't know that he was holding and close his eyes.

'I think that maybe we should go home now Ray, you've been here long enough.'

Neela leaned down and kissed Ray on the top of the head before she reached down and took his hand in hers and he pulled himself to his feet, and she noticed how tired he looked.

Walking out of the hospital, Neela turned to Ray, asking him to wait a second as she ran around the corner. Pulling his coat tighter around him, feeling the biting Chicago wind, Ray wandered where Neela had went. As he saw her coming around the corner and that was when he noticed that she was alone, there was someone else with her.

As they got closer Ray couldn't believe who it was he saw, it was none other that his best friend Brett. They hadn't spoken since Ray had gotten back form L.A. The truth of why Ray and Brett hadn't talked was because Brett was the only one who had knew some of Rays past, of how his father used to beat him and his mother. I mean how couldn't he; they had known each other since they were eight years old.

Ray hadn't wanted to talk about the fact of why his father showing up had affected him so much, and Brett hadn't wanted to push anything because he knew that it was a touchy subject so he had just left Ray alone to clear his head.

But when Brett had gotten the news of what Rays dad had did to him, stabbing him and leaving him to bleed to death, he had phoned Neela, but by then she had known Rays secret and didn't know if Brett did so she had told him that she would let him know when Ray was better so that they could talk. When Brett had gotten the call that afternoon he had been so happy, he cared for Ray as if he was his brother, and so that was why he was standing in the ambulance bay now.

'Hey man, long time no see' Brett waltzed over to Ray and pulled him into a quick hug, patting him on the back before he pulled away and saw the shocked look on Rays face.

'Yeah you could say that' Ray and Brett both looked at each other, knowing that they still had to talk about what had happened, but now all that either of them could think about was going back to the apartment and getting completely trashed, just like old times.

Neela walked over and kissed Ray on the cheek before she whispered in his ear,

'I told you I knew you inside out'

Ray turned and gave Neela a soft smile, but then quickly turned to look at Brett when he felt him hit him, not so light, on the arm,

'So you two finally got your act together, huh?'

Neela and Ray both rolled their eyes; this was going to be a long night.

**_THE END_**

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**Well there you go, the last chapter! I know that you may all think that this ended abruptly, but don't worry because I am working on a sequel and it is called, 'Bend and Not Break'. It is basically the aftermath and about how Ray isn't really as fine about everything as he lets on. **

**A/N I want to thank you all again who read my story and I hope that you liked the little twist! I just hoped that you all liked it, because I liked writing it! **

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